Forums > Social Chat > Hardcore oppression

Posted: 30th Jun 2003
that is insane what are they going to do now?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourself, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous and talented? Who are you NOT to be?

Posted: 30th Jun 2003
I know this all sounds harsh and overwhelming, Byron, but are you sure you have all of the facts exactly as they are?

The fact that this girl has been presented with potential husbands but been given the right to refuse them makes me think that this story has been greatly exagerated in many other aspects.

I'm not saying that you have exagerrated them, but simply that some of the story doesn't appear to ring true with other parts.

Also, be aware that while you feel you have 'liberated' someone from a lifetime of opression, she has also just been completely cut off from her family by her own actions.

Try not to insult them or speak badly of them around her as she will probably miss them for the rest of her life, and feel guilty about.

Give her as much support as you can, but also be aware she is from a completely different culture and may see a lot of things you see as negative as positive. Also, don't be surprised if she wants to go back to family, and remember that they ight well accept her back as well.

This is a very delicate, and perhaps, hyperboled, situation and it is nowhere near as cut and dry as it sounds at first.

Oh, and by the way I myself have married the love of my life, who comes from, and is still part of, a strict muslim family.

There are lots of different things that can be done with the fasmily's consent, but none of them are knee-jerk reactions or openly hostile.

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Posted: 1st Jul 2003
i agree with you charles this is a time for breathing. be cool people and be careful in regards to yourselves and your freed? friend. remmeber her father and family want the best for her to, are you or your friend always going to be there for her no matter what, and what the ****s wrong with bangladesh buddy, it might be sweet, not the us be sweet none the less. are you breathing?

Posted: 1st Jul 2003
wow, what an eppisode. I can understand the knee jerk responce to intervene, but as Charles said, there may be some long term problems with the recent activities. But, this also seems to be typical teenage chivilry, and as i was guilty of much of that in my youth, how can i critisize too much?
Everyone rest assured, the universe will work in it's own way... even when thru us. It will be OK.
Incidentaly, Charles, your oldest shares my birth day. Got to love Geminis, good luck.

Strive to Love everything for exactly what it is. Even though you can never understand all the extents of anything.

Posted: 1st Jul 2003
On the contrary Charles the story has actually gotten alot worse in the last 12 hours, we've had to get the police involved and she is this close to taking out a restraining order on her family as a result of a series of abusive/threatening messages and calls to her and her bf's phone plus calls to her friends with varying attempts to pry information out of them with stories like she's gone missing and the police are searching for her. This is not exagerated or handed down information, I have been there throughout the whole ordeal.

Luckily she has just been given a new job which they dont know about and they dont know where I live (which is where her and her bf are staying). The morning after I posted this topic we found out the father, brother in law and cousin arrived at the boyfriend's house late at night (the cousin had the adress) and confronted his land lady asking all sorts of questions. (His house is a floor above the land lady's house if that makes sense).

This girl is not worried about never seeing her family again, she realises this is the choice she is making and is comfortable with that with the knowledge of how manipulating, controlling, emotionally suppressive and physically suppressive her family is. She's isnt just choosing towards a life with the bf, she is choosing a life of freedom. She understands the working dynamics of the family all too well, she has a masters in psychology and is one of the most highly intelligent people I know.

She asked for our help knowing that she needed the outside support to free herself from the family.

quote:

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remmeber her father and family want the best for her to,

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This is not the case and has become more and more obvious with their behaviour. Their behaviour AS SHE PUT IT, "is the reaction of someone who has serious control issues, when someone feels like they're losing control of their life they flip into a state of fear and from that state of fear they take rash measures to try and regain control. Even though they feel like they are doing the 'right thing' they have no right to enforce that choice upon others." The father is used to ruling over the family as the dominant male and has a high status among his part of the community. It is a great embarressment for him for his daughter to be seeing a white guy and she feels this is where most of his anger comes from. She believes that he is in a state of fear not for her welfare but for his reputation.

She is now moving in with her bf, they are not going to run away. We are getting a police escort to retrieve her possessions next week. She hopes one day they will be accepting of the relationship and her life choices but is prepared for the fact that they probably never will.

I am not saying that the whole muslim community is is like this nor do I want people to stereotype muslim familes based on stories like these. I'm just expressing my experience, I apologise if I have offended.

HOW TO FLY 101:
step 1. Throw your self at the ground.
step 2. Miss.