Page: ......
_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hello everyone...

Oks, well, I've had some bad news and thought I would post on here for advice on alternative therapies.

I've had a look through the existing threads (nice search system Malcolm!!) but didn't find what I was looking for, so I hope this is ok.


So then...

Just over a month ago my mother turned yellow.
It was two days before my parents were due to go on holiday, and instead she ended up in hospital.

They discovered it was a blockage near her bile duct, and after sticking a camera down her throat, found out she had a tumour on her pancreas.

She was eventually sent home for a few weeks to recuperate, then brought back in for an operation last Friday.

We discovered then that the tumour on her pancreas is too big - 6 cms - to operate on, and parts of it have spread to nearby glands.

The prognosis isn't good. They've told her between 6 months and a year, but any reseach I've done shows people with pancreatic cancer lasting between 4 - 6 months.

Our family is coping well, considering, so far.

(Personally, I feel like I'm constantly going to cry.
I try not to think about her leaving us as much as possible. My mother is the strongest person in the world... She is kind and lovely and despite having pissed me off often, has done a splendid job and has had a splendid life (she's travelled all over the place - took a boat to Australia from Ireland 40 years ago to work as a nanny on a cattle ranch!! She came home, by boat, via NZ, Fiji and the Panama Canal - in a time when tourism wasn't Lonely Planet travel-by-numbers).

At the minute, I'm coping. I'm finding myself running about my parent's house 'doing stuff' for them while also trying to keep a performance business afloat. That's been a barrel of laughs in itself... anyone setting up a business in the arts - prepare yourself now for the bitchiness, competition, jealousy and lack of support.

My deepest apologies to m'lovely friends on here if I haven't responded to your PMs or calls recently - thanks BamBam and Fluff x).

Jesus... that was a bitter and twisted rant... humblest apologies for that... redface

Anyways... I have posted this for a reason rolleyes smile

The doctors are still deciding whether mum should have chemo.
None of us are very happy with that idea... don't want her last few months to be spent throwing up.

She's got a very strong Christian faith, which keeps her bouncing through each day (lol, and she keeps emotionally blackmailing me to convert!!! Lol... I've told her it won't happen, but thanks anyway smile )

But I want info on alternative therapies... things that might reduce it, or just prolong her life for a bit. Does anyone here have any advice on where I could look?

I know not to accept intershnet advice as gospel, but it's good to get a guideline - or a point in the right direction.

Electro-magnetic therapy? Acupuncture? Organic foods and no tap water?!!

Does anyone here have any helpful hints?

Thanks so much for your time... and go home tonight and give your parents a hug... they could be gone much sooner than you think.

Love and hugs to you alll
Clare xx

Getting to the other side smile


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
well, if no amount of words will help...

grouphug

hug hug hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
 Written by: Birgit


No, that's a quote from Glass, not from Clare, Neon... read those signatures properly! spank



Achem...

 Written by: Me



 Written by: _Clare_


Maybe I should get an electronic pet... so I just have to change the batteries when it dies smile


Do you not already have one of those...? rolleyes


rolleyes

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
Yeah... I thought the "do you not already have one of those" was referring to her signature. Oh, plus I wasn't actually all that serious tongue

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


Neon_ShaolinGOLD Member
hehe, 'Member' huhuh
6,120 posts
Location: Behind you. With Jam


Posted:
I didn't really think about her signature when i was writing it! I was referring to the possibility of her having a robo-dog or a tamagotchi... You filthy-minded girl you... spank

Where does it say I was referring to a vibrator? She's too much of a nice girl for that! rolleyes

"I used to want to change the world, now I just wanna leave the room with a little dignity..." - Lotus Weinstock


BirgitBRONZE Member
had her carpal tunnel surgery already thanks v much
4,145 posts
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland (UK)


Posted:
Hahahahahahaha! This must be the FIRST time ever I see you trying to DIScourage an innuendo and appear innocent. And what tells you I wasn't thinking of battery-driven rotating nipple tassles anyway, hm?

(Sorry Clare, you can have your thread back now, I'll leave poor little Dave alone, he might blush if I go on about these things hug)

"vices are like genitals - most are ugly to behold, and yet we find that our own are dear to us."
(G.W. Dahlquist)

Owner of Dragosani's left half


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Hahahahah...



Nice one lads and ladies... comedy is just what I needed grouphug



A dog with no teeth Mr Glass?



Sounds perfect... but it needs a punchline... smile



hug



Btw... just to make clear, I don't expect anything back when I'm there for people - not at all, it usually makes me happy to feel like I can help.... I hope it didn't come across like that in my last post... I was just feeling fed up when I posted it. A bit selfish and grumpy.



Also.. I really do appreciate all the love and support shown to me by the people here... it's great (and Mech... muahsgurhgah... thank you hug). I just need to be hugged for real. Very much.





Went to see Mum tonight... she's not too well (though she says she is).



She's shaking alot and is getting ulcers in her mouth and on her tongue.



Tis very hard watching this happen.





x

Getting to the other side smile


SkulduggeryGOLD Member
Pirate Pixie Crew Captain
8,428 posts
Location: Wales


Posted:
hug

Feed me Chocolate!!! Feed me NOW!


Helen_of_PoiSILVER Member
lapsed spinner
412 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland


Posted:
Hello hon hug

I know I haven't posted here much, but it's difficult to bring up all those feelings again, (although they keep surfacing anyway). You've mentioned about how the better, more energy filled times always pass - so do the darker ones. Try to remember that as you ride these unpredictable waves. I know what it feels like for everything to be beyond your control. Your friends also feel this, because ultimately they feel that nothing they can do can really help.

Your mum has said that going through this kind of stuff didn't affect her work etc - with all due respect to her, she may believe that, but those around her at the time may have begged to differ. You are aware of how your moods are affecting other people, and all aspects of your life. That's healthy. Not pleasant, but healthy. Many times in the course of this thread you have apologised for things (largely unneccessarily I'll add). It shows what a caring, good person you are that you are still thinking about others outside of your family at this time.

Also I am a firm believer in expressing your emotions, letting them show, and sometimes letting them rule you. It is better to do this consciously and go with it. I have many friends who have lost parents, as well as my own experience, and in many cases those who appear to put a brave face on it turn out to be less well off than those who were visibly falling apart. I have seen people who seemed to be "coping very well" develop serious depression and drinking problems a few years down the line, and I think the bottled up emotions have a large part to play. In contrast, I have had other friends who would cry or scream or whatever whenever they felt the urge, and now they are much more stable, happy people than those who didn't let it show.

You will go through many things you don't understand. I came quite close to smashing my tv one night because I hadn't slept in ages, and was spending time at the hospital until the wee hours every night (this was in my mum's last days). When I got back to my flat at about 5am one night, still unable to sleep, I put the tv on, and the only thing on was "Insomnia", a reality tv show where people stay awake as long as possible. I switched the tv on, and they, who had voluntarily undertaken this regime of sleep deprivation, had been allowed to take a nap. It just made me so angry that they could sleep and I couldn't. Completely irrational of course, but that's how I was feeling at the time.

A day or two later when I was in the hospital with my mum, she told me (with great effort, she was so weak), that she didn't want to be there any more. She got me to call my family together. She was ready. Nature didn't see it like that though, and she lasted another torturous night in the hospital, in severe pain, which my brother and I who were keeping vigil were begging the nurses to do something about. She told us to end it. But we couldn't.

Later my brother and I each admitted to the other that we had seriously considered smothering her with her pillow that night. There. I said it. It was so bad, and so painful that we both considered killing our mother. My only consolation is that my father was not there to see her at her very lowest.

I seem to have written a lot more than I planned. my point, if i ever had one, is that I felt and thought things that I wouldn't have dreamt of before. Does it make me a bad person? Almost 3 1/2 years on, I've come to the point of thinking, that it probably doesn't. I know I was very difficult to be around for a long time (and still at times - poor Lee takes the brunt of it - sorry - hug ). People can go to the extreme darkest depths, but they come out of it again. The pain does ease.

Be careful with alcohol, be careful with who you fall for. You are vulnerable at the moment. Lean on good people. They've leant on you too, and will do so again. And remember that there is no "right way" to feel or to "cope" (I hate that word).

And call if you ever need to.

Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Helen... I love you very much, you rock missus... thank you for this post... hug

I hope by posting it made you feel stronger, and got some of your thoughts in order...

Well done for your bravery, and I respect and admire your strength so much!

You are the most not-bad person I know smile
You are such a tender and gentle wee flower, but yet, by contrast, able to herd 3,000 juggler kittens into a field in cork, while simultaneously not freaking out.

And Martin certainly has faith in your goodness wink

Thank you for sharing lovely lady, and thank you for your support... I'm sorry things became so bad for you... but you held it together and you are strong.

Hopefully I will see you soon... and give Lee a hug from me for also being splendid biggrin

(Btw, it was great to talk to you at Lisa's party... ermm, sorry for indirectly burning you smile That's both you and Martin I've indirectly burned... lol... who's next? Muhahahah)

Getting to the other side smile


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
things are hard now but consider my signature and the good times you had with your mother...well, maybe it's too early but keep the quote in mind...it's brought me more comfort than anyone knows

hug

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


Helen_of_PoiSILVER Member
lapsed spinner
412 posts
Location: Dublin, Ireland


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_



(Btw, it was great to talk to you at Lisa's party... ermm, sorry for indirectly burning you smile That's both you and Martin I've indirectly burned... lol... who's next? Muhahahah)



confused ubblol If getting me to enjoy myself spinning for the first time in ages, and me predictably burning myself (only very slightly i might add) is your fault....I forgive you ubblol hug

You know the way people in this thread keep telling you to stop apologising and assuming responsibility for things that aren't your fault...you might want to listen wink

Hope to see you soon hug

Helen_of_Poi

EJC Ireland 2006 Organisational Team


GlåssDIAMOND Member
The Ministry of Manipulation
2,523 posts
Location: Bristol, United Kingdom


Posted:
You want a punchline:
Whadda ya call a dog with no teeth?

Anything you want, it can't bite you.

Arf arf.

_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Oops... this was for Helen...



Hahahha... goddamit, I'm trying!



Puh. Righto, I'll just change the habit of a lifetime tongue



But in fairness... I did slightly pressure you to keep spinning (rather like I did with Martin when Bob left that large scar redface)





smile



And this is for Drew...



hug hug hug



I'd quite like a small, fat, bald-esque, toothless dog that only pees in the appropriate places



smile
EDITED_BY: _Clare_ (1181589092)

Getting to the other side smile


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
*again feels inadequate on the other side of the world when Clare needs a big hug* frown

hug hug hug
Helen, you rock! hug

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


I'd quite like a small, fat, bald-esque, toothless dog that only pees in the appropriate places




aka Mech? wink

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
George... stop feeling inadequate!



(lol)



There's really no need! hug



( tongue )



And Durbs spank

Getting to the other side smile


DurbsBRONZE Member
Classically British
5,689 posts
Location: Epsom, Surrey, England


Posted:
Pssshh, busy at work are we? wink tongue

Burner of Toast
Spinner of poi
Slacker of enormous magnitude


squarefishSILVER Member
(...trusty steed of the rodeo midget...)
403 posts
Location: the state of flux, Ireland


Posted:
I actually rather like that scar, it's like a kiss that never fades smile

_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Actually Durbs, I was quite horribly busy in work last night...twas exhausting.

And Martin biggrin hug that feels better hug

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: Durbs


 Written by: _Clare_


I'd quite like a small, fat, bald-esque, toothless dog that only pees in the appropriate places




woof?

aka Mech? wink

Step (el-nombrie)


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
*Pats Mech*

Lol... smile


So then...

With lots of reservation, I've decided to go to UberParis.

Mum and most of my friends think I should go - with the main argument being 'it's only two hours away if something happens'.

Hmmm.

I've had a rubbish few days again.. I'm really tired and looking forward to seeing a few people in somewhere relatively warm and mildly exotic, but as with most things at the minute, I'm not sure...

If something did happen when I was gone, I'd feel guilty about it forever. Also... it's one thing embarrassing yourself on a public forum with open emotion and grief (don't say it George tongue )... but quite another being upset in person, when people are trying to have a good time.

As usual, most of me would like to sit in a dark room and hide til this is over.

Mum seemed grand when I visited yesterday... in good spirits and bimbling along. Dad is getting back pain... hmm, wonder why!!

I'll miss Father's Day though... which isn't good.

Meh... anyways... I have a million things to do today.

Have a good weekend whatever you're up to

x

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


*Pats Mech*

Lol... smile






*insert joke about humping legs*

wink

have fun clare, and ill talk to you over the weekend honey ok?

hug

Step (el-nombrie)


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
hug

thanks m'lovelies... wish you were going too!

Mech... call me tonight after work? It'll be expensive to call Paris!

xx

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
ok honey....

its prob expensive you call you cross network, over the water anyways....

Step (el-nombrie)


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
have a good weekend, and this may sound callous but it was the same when my grandfather was ill and my friends invited me out
my parents asked me, even if i was there what was i going to do if something did go wrong. They made their point, and I went and had fun

have fun

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
smile

That's what mum says...

xx

Getting to the other side smile


mechBRONZE Member
Carpal \'Tunnel
6,207 posts
Location: "In your ear", United Kingdom


Posted:
as long as you still need hugs form some of us when you get back, thats ok, else i fear we will all be obsolete wink

Step (el-nombrie)


faith enfireBRONZE Member
wandering thru the woods of WI
3,556 posts
Location: Wisconsin, USA


Posted:
oh no i'm turning into your mother smile

Faith
Nay, whatever comes one hour was sunlit and the most high gods may not make boast of any better thing than to have watched that hour as it passed


georgemcBRONZE Member
Sitting down facing forward . . .
2,387 posts
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand


Posted:
 Written by: _Clare_


Also... it's one thing embarrassing yourself on a public forum with open emotion and grief (don't say it George tongue )...


Say what?! shrug
was it supposed to be spank ? Or was it supposed to be about me embarrassing myself here all the time?! or something else?
ubblol ubblol ubblol

Enjoy Paris *repeats order*
And if you get a chance, have at least one of those pastry things with the chocolate inside they have at breakfast ("petite pain" is it??) - at least one for me, you can have as many as you like! wink

George

Written by: Doc Lightning talking about Marmite in Kichi's Intro thread

I have several large jars of the stuff. I actually like it... a little. And don't tell anyone I admitted to it.
grin


_Clare_BRONZE Member
Still wiggling
5,967 posts
Location: Belfast, Northern Ireland (UK)


Posted:
Ok then...

Quick post as an update...

Wrote massively long letter to Mum before I went to Paris (thanks for that Mech... tis good to receive a correctly timed kick up the arse).

It feels better to have said all that important stuff, even though mum and I haven't actually talked about it yet.

UberParis was great, but it did take a good couple of days to let everything go and start enjoying it... fair play to Durbs and all my lovely friends for their patience smile

Went to see mum when I got back last night... she's doing ok... still slow, but bimbling along.

However, I need to be there more... help Dad with dinner and lunch and household stuff... he's absolutely exhausted doing every thing.

Problem is, I'm working between now and Sunday so just can't be there frown

She understands, but it's frustrating to be torn between two places. Argh.
Either to my mum, where I should be - or to work, so I can pay bills.

Anyways... thanks to UberParis and seeing my friends, at least I've got some strength back and everything isn't quite so dark... it'll be ok.

smile

x

Getting to the other side smile


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