USofA - why there is (still) hope, IMHO

f it.

There's way more to American culture. You left out Britney Spears, Heinz ketchup, or Spongebob Squarepants. What about Mormons, or Microsoft?

It's weird you use brands to identify your culture... Strange.

wow. you just described Australia!

Ha, thats what I thought too. Capitalism at its pinnacle ^_^

Guys, you cannot underestimate the importance of ketchup in American society. It is our greatest condiment, our burgers and fries and dogs would suffer in it's absence. What would we make our delectable barbecue sauces out of? Freakin' mayonnaise?
Believe me, once you live here long enough, you quickly see most everything is branded in some way. Everything has a logo on it in some way or another, be it a North Face jacket, a Craftsman miter saw or a Kenmore refrigerator. If we're talking about objects then of course it's going to be branded in some way. Do any of you make your own down jackets or electrical appliances? Where did you get your nice poi from? Did you make the straps, chain and ball entirely from scratch or did you order them from somewhere like HoP or Dube, or some other supplier? Nobody here that's using a computer to use the internet to come to this online store that is the brand Home of Poi can complain too much about capitalism, no matter which part of the globe you live on. American or not we are more or less in this together!
Thanks FireTom for the general show of support. What makes this country special is the land and the people. America encompasses enough space to basically include all geographic types presented elsewhere in the world. There are snowcapped mountains, barren deserts, endless pine forests, swamps, plains, rain forests. This diversity of land is only surpassed by the diversity of its people. We aren't the best people in the world, but there's a hell of a lot of us with a lot of different view points and that's one of the things that makes this country special. Where I live in this country includes a large population of Hispanic people from all parts south of our border and the islands. They enrich our culture with their own and I see them as a welcome change in this country. Not to mention that Puerto Ricans breed some of the most beautiful women I've seen in this world! ;p
But at the same time it is that diversity which can make things difficult for the type of change other people observing us would wish for. Everybody's view of change, be it positive or negative is entirely subject to somebody else's view of right and wrong. And on the same token, not everyone has the time or will to seek the change they would like to see. Some people are fickle and simply do not care to make their mark on the world. A lot of other people do not have the time of day even if they wanted to. People have families, their own lives and worries that consume to much of their life and prevents them from seeking to change the bad aspects of American cultures. Hell I'd rather be climbing a mountain or exploring an unknown cave system than protesting in the streets or making up petitions unless the lives of my friends and family really came down to it. Is this state of the people really that much different than anybody else you know in your own lands?
So to sum it up:
1. Brands are everywhere nowadays here and the only reason anything else we've made hasn't been branded or owned by somebody else is because it would be against our constitution.
2. The only thing that makes Americans different from anybody else in the world is that we live in America. We aren't special, just human.

P.S. And personally, there are aspects to capitalism I enjoy. I'm an artist who makes glasswares and sells them independently. I have the freedom to make things that I like and express myself and actually try and make money off of it. Capitalism in it's basic form isn't entirely evil, it's the people that abuse it that have turned this country into what it is and how it affects all of you guys. People get gouged every day, but it gives people the freedom to find a niche for themselves and gouge back at the wealthier people who end up having the disposable income to buy stuff back from people like myself. Phew I'm done. If anybody's read this rant to the very end, I'm impressed with your patience!

Happy New Year everyone!
The branding of everything is not a good thing, if anything it's become a burden in American society to see how many and what kind of brands one has. Our society sure cherishes it's labels and taglines, that can't be denied. But it is the state of things, and it will perpetuate unfortunately.
For example, areas in a lot of our major cities suffer from the fact the fact that the only color in them comes mainly from billboards, signs , advertisements, and from the clothes people wear. Streets and sidewalks are grey, the buildings are grey, stone or brick. A lot of flat, cold colors. So when you look down a street, that is all the eye has to be drawn to, the signs on buildings and window advertisements!

Capitalism requires very little effort aside from being perfectly willing to screw over everyone you might ever come in contact with. And the lower a person is willing to sink, usually the better off they will end up. Sucks for most Americans, and for a lot of people globally that this is what we were born into. The competition of trying to make it, the society of labels where everything is owned by somebody. It's all most of us have ever been able to deal with and like it or not, it's what comes natural to many people. We can read and talk all we want about theories of other forms of government and economy. We can try and implement some or a lot of those ideas, and maybe some things will stick. But that's not going to stop the next person from being unscrupulous and not pulling some cheap trick to make a little more money. And many people in the world simply do not care for whatever reason to change that in any way. A lot of people want things to stay this way because they figured out how to benefit.

In many ways our human society is still a vast jungle full of nice and nasty critters running around trying not to die the longest. Pity that it has become very cannibalistic of late!

To the citizens of the United States of America,
in light of your failure to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II resumes monarchical duties over all States, Commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.

Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown, MP for the 97.8% of you who have, until now, been unaware there's a world outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America. Congress and the Senate are disbanded. A questionnaire circulated next year will determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid your transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1.Look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Check "aluminium" in the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you pronounce it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'. Likewise you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary."

2.Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed." There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not mature enough to cope with bad language then you should not have chat shows.

3.There is no such thing as "U.S. English." We'll let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

4.You should learn to distinguish English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to c--kney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). Scottish dramas such as 'Taggart' will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. You must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

5.You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task 1.

6.You should stop playing American "football." There's only one kind of football. What you call American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.2% of you aware there is a world outside your borders may have noticed no one else plays "American" football. You should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.

Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play Rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).

You should also stop playing baseball. It's not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team stripe, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7.You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns, or anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because you are not sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you need a permit to carry a vegetable peeler.

8.July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day."

9.All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10.Learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't French, they're Belgian, though 97.8% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat.

11.The cold tasteless stuff you call beer is actually lager. Only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer." Substances once known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," except for the product of the American Budweiser company which will be called "Weak Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine." This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.


12.The UK will harmonise petrol prices (or "Gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it) for those of the former USA, adopting UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon, get used to it).

13.Learn to resolve personal issues without guns, lawyers or therapists. That you need many lawyers and therapists shows you're not adult enough to be independent. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

14.Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

15.Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation.

John Cleese

*Edited to updated world events

Haha... awesome. Though... not really... Sad to think that I agree with some points in this--especially 6, 7, 10, and 13. XD
This is why I ask about Australia, for the record. lol

--me--

funny, but so so wrong....Hold on, I must let this undulate (und-you-late)(redneck: un-dull-8) for a moment in my mind...

Ahem... 1 the queen is nothing but an old hag! There I said it. Hahahahaha
2- You can only have Utah...
3- We doesn't need no help with our vocibulary, we speaks good.
4- There is an "H' in hello, it's not pronounced "elllo" Nor is this site called Ome of Poi
5-What is a crumpet?
6- Sherlock Holmes or James Bond, who's going to win?
7- Baseball is cricket with a less stupid name. Do you call 'football' 'grasshopper?'
8- We will kill "Literally" before we let gas prices got that high.
9- Guns and therapists are good, but you forgot about 'Self-Help-Books, McDonalds, drugs and alcohol, and ______ for Dummies books.
10-Did you mean therapists or the rapists? Huh?
11- You know, like, totally, and such.
12- The CIA killed JFK.
13- Or perhaps it was bad tea....
14- We don't just like cheap excuses for beer, we love cheap excuses for beer.
15- And last but not least. Give us a break guys... Your country had been ripe with corruption for hundreds of years before we even came to be. But we are catching up quickly. We understand your indignation with having your Red Coat army sent back to the motherland with your tails in between your legs like a bunch of 'nacies.' We apologize for throwing your tea in the ocean, it started out as just a party, but things got out of hand... But seriously, British influence is still so string on America it is unbelievable. The queen knighted George W. Bush for god's sake. We are following in your greedy banking footsteps, and we have been in debt to Britain since the times of the revolution (I.E. They helped fund it, wierd huh? Like us helping to fund Osama Bin Laden) Seriously, we love you brits, you be our brotha's from anotha motha--land. Much love, and all in jokes, peace.

*string- Strong

nice reply, but I would like to point out that with 6, sherlock Holmes vrs James Bond.... It doesnt really matter - they are both British

Dear WoodlandApple,
Upon reading your very amusing post I came to the conclusion that if it was possible to have internet babies, you would be the on my top ten list of very possible donors. I'd like to take this time to congratulate you on becoming number 4.

Yours,
Very seriously
TJF

P.S. This list changes frequently as you can see in the "I'm NOT drunk thread" so also note, you're only as good as your last post. Kind regards.

yeah i was perplexed by that...

I'd point out that Bond would kill Sherlock, but the event would later be retconned into a dangerous fall which Sherlock survived due to reader pressure

Wow, that was like so beautiful in it's simplistic honesty. Good one there FireTom

However, both were played by Americans in movies. So who would win? I say mono y mono Sherlock would woop him, Bond is nothing without his fancy weapons and cars. But if we want to battle, who would win in a fight, Q or Oprah, the Q or the O? Britain or America?

Oprah and her 9000 penis'? Q, just because he wouldn't have fallen for such a clear trolling attempt.

Sherlock Holmes Vs Ace Ventura
James Bond Vs Maxwell Smart

mighty mouse Vs Danger mouse ?!?!?!!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?!?!!!