Corrupt a Wish

You do. It grows in that way. It also seems to not take dye very well. So any attempt to dye it to a normal color (for job interviews and such) makes it turn another unnatural color, like royal blue. You are jobless for life except as a coffee barista.

I wish I didn't have to return to New York in the morning.

New York is upset about you not wanting to return to it, and out of spite creates an anti-Doc shield around the whole city, preventing you from ever returning. You spend the rest of your life wandering the globe, wishing you could just find a way to return home.

I wish i could grow my hair a metre a day

You take an amazing wonder drug that makes your hair grow a metre a day. You rapidly need new underpants. It also makes your nails, toenails and eyelashes grow a metre a day. And teeth. You can't see a bloody thing (or talk very well) and can't use the scissors to cut any of it off. You go ask someone else to give you a trim and they totally freak out thinking you are the monster from a movie they saw when they were a kid and hit you on the head with a shovel. The end. Of you.
I wish I hadn't got that prickle in my foot.

It got you in the eye.

I wish my mail program would work.

It works. In fact it's a workaholic that takes no time off and never writes to you.

I wish I didn't smoke that last cigarette that made my room smelly.

Cigarettes now bite back.

I wish I had a cake as big as I am.

you do and not only is it as big as you but looks identicle to you to, and you cant eat it coz you feel like its canniblism in a strange way

i wish i had a never ending cup of coffee

The cat tips it over while you're asleep.

I wish it took more than two minutes for someone to corrupt my wish.

Noone ever corrupts you, or any of your wishes.

I wish i didn't sweat.

(thats quite a nice wish corruption psyrush!)

you never sweat again. Unfortunately the only other way for water to come out of your system is by way of the urinary system. You are constantly going to the toilet and so dont have the time to do anything..

i wish my lips weren't chapped.

your lips are superglued instead.
I wish to be better tomorrow so I can go spin fire.

you'll be so much better that you got scared at how fast you got over your illness and go to the doctors anyway, and he'll keep youfor months to run lots and lots of tests on you

i wish i didnt blow up my bike engine last night

You didnt, really, its just that the engine doesnt like you. Let me try it you will see how it works.

I wish the customers understand that i am foreing not stupid...

they do , but now they speak even slower to you in broken english

i wish i had more time to myself

you do. now you have noone to speak to. In fact you are the last surviving member of the human race. And cannot reproduce, there is noone else to do it with, unless you get with a goat.....

i wish i had more beer.

You have more beer but its warm and nasty (oh that's right you in UK and used to it

You have more beer cos a gang of evil robbers stashed it in your back room and you get raided by the cops who also find some -erm- other interesting things that you can't prove aren't yours (or maybe they are) and drag you off to gaol where you choke on porridge and don't get to drink a beer for decades.

I wish my tax did itself and refunded me immediately

it does but it refunds you too much and you spend it (as would we all ) , but now the tax man is after you and you spend the rest of your life on the run

i wish i had more space on my body to get more tattoos

You grow a third leg

I wish I knew what tattoo I wanted

you suddenly know but its to big for your body and you grow a third leg aswell

i wish they'd invent a vegan food that tasted like spam

They do. Unfortunately, due to a misunderstanding, it's made *of* vegans..

I wish it wasn't so far to walk home from the library..

your legs fall off now you can't walk home from the library

i wish i had £50 to buy some fire snakes

You do and get them but as soon as you take them out to start playing with them, they bite you and inject you with poison that is set ablaze....ouch

I wish i had my stimulus check.

due to a typo Tim Ulus sends you a cheque , now he wants "favours " from you

i wish it was the same time everywhere

It's 3 am all over the world and the only people awake are dribbling party nutters and people waking up with panic attacks. And some taxi drivers who wish they weren't.

I wish I knew what a stimulus check was..

so do i , but we never find out and die trying

i wish i wouldn't forget names

You remember every name you ever heard. You just can't remember faces. It gets very long and convoluted and a lot of girdlfriends get very upset

I wish Gabe had made a wish.. as the whole world was holding their breath waiting, and died of asphyxiation. Except me.


I wish I wasn't the only person left alive.

You're not the only person left alive. There's an evil serial killer out there somewhere who's very cross at the demise of his vocation. And a very very boring neighbour who loves a chat. Shame they are the same person.

I wish everyone in the world could read my invisible wishes.

Your wishes are granted. Everything you ever wanted has come to be. Of course they are also invisible and go unnoticed by you. The entire world believes you are stuck up because you never acknowledged what they have done for you.

I wish for a ferret.

You have a very cunning ferret with very sharp teeth who hates you.
I wish the sun was still out.