Chapter 2 (give me yor honest opinion please)

Alright, excuse some of my roughness into the point of views. Fyrespirit, yes, I completely understand your view. In order to put yourself in a position to have a debate/verbal conversation (on a slighter more arguemental tone) , the key is to understand what the words are coming from. You must comprehend how the other thinks, where they are coming from.

I do respect your opinion, but why is it that you think a fifteen year old individual cant understand the bond of love?

I mean, yes, she may have not been in love, but what about god and monsters and ghosts, these are people/creatures that are made up, but still written about. Theres documentaries, theres books, magazines in relation to things we do not know. She may not understand true love (xXemogalXx, Please note that I am not, in any way, shape, or form, implying that you do not know what true love is) but you see, she may be writing her point of view, or an idea of how true love may be shown.

I am playing Devil's Advocate here. I wish not to take sides, or hardly provoke any confrintations.

Its quite odd that you think a child cannot experience true love. For the childs point of view, true love may be pursued as normal love, because the child may not have been in love before. I am in love at the moment. Ever since I saw her two years ago, my heart broke. I had to face a problem, if I would show her love beyond what she has ever thought, or if I could let her decide who she loves. All that mattered to me was and is her happiness. If she wanted to be with someone else, that still wouldve made me happy, just to know that she is doing good in life and that she has someone to support her. You know how long that decision took for me to act? Two years and 3 months. I was convinced that she was the only love I could ever find. My parents, family, even friends have not shown me love. They have shown me support through the act of giving me a home, someone to talk to and someone to ask for help with, but that wasnt enough. The cons outweigh the pros. It was when I saw her that i felt complete. I acted on my final decision about 4 months ago. It turns out she loves me too, and that she has felt the same way. Currently, I believe that this experience is too good to be true, a dream. Luckily, I wake up each morning inspired through the sound of her voice in my mind and the thought of her glory in my heart.

I could talk about her for ages, but I wish not to disrupt anymore, as i am swerving quite off topic. I might just start a thread with my love stories... Meh, we'll see about that later.

Furthermore, I understand what you mean Fyrespirit No worries

xXemogalXx, I will try my best to send you my opinions and thoughts of improvements via private message.. Unfortunatly, I am stacked with school, so much work...

Take care all! :hugs:

Of course. I see your point. There are many different forms of love. We actually learn the bond of love from the first breath we take and believe me that there IS no stronger love than that of a mother for their child. I have seen exceptions but would not call these women worthy of being termed human, much less a true mother. Be that as it may, I was referring to romantic love which is a phenomenon in and of itself.

Life is the teacher, love is the lesson.

Rave, heartbreak is a harsh teacher, but noone ever said that if you were going to live that you would not suffer. That IS life. It's what builds our character.

As others pick up grammar points, i'm a spelling hound, and can be a bit of a tense monster as well.

I'm not certain if there's slightly different spellings on some words between australia and over where you are, but there's a couple i've seen that don't look right:
(second paragraph): "They saddled up Cengie and Inferno and lead them away from the stables. As Chloe mounted, her black skirt rode up, flashing her firm, golden tanned thighs. They head off along the trail path, Inferno braying softly. They rode through wooded copse, sun and shadow playing accross Chloes face. As they trotted along, Chloes supple breasts bobbed gently through the material."
Going by the rest of the story, being in past tense, i'm thinking that first one should be led. Also, saying they head off switches to present tense, then in the next sentence switches back to past tense again.
accross should only have one 'c' in it, and i think there should be an apostrophe in Chloe's name up there. something about possessive pronouns or some such.

One thing i'm often preaching, but, alas, seldom practicing, is to read what you've written backwards, whether paragraph by paragraph, or right from the end. Because you're not reading whole sentences, your brain doesn't tend to fill in the gaps as much. Similar deal to that email that floats around now and then, with all the letters switched around. Your brain (to an extent) reads what it expects to read, and glosses over minor errors.

Other than the spelling and grammar, though, it's a beautiful piece of work, and i look forward to seeing more