Which circle of hell are YOU going to?

This is taken from rotten.com


Circle One: Almost every student struggling through a Catholic school education inevitably arrives at the theological question: What happens to innocent people who are not baptized through no fault of their own? The Church invented "limbo" for this concept; Dante made it the first circle of Hell, a sort of Hell Lite. The first circle of Hell offers a kinder, gentler repose for noble pagans born before Christ and other generally cool historical figures who happen not to be Christians, such as Homer, Ovid, Socrates and presumably figures like Ghandi and maybe Malcolm X. Captives in the First Circle of Hell were subjected mostly to the ravages of generalized anxiety disorder without the benefit of Paxil but with all the side effects (nausea, asthenia, constipation, infection, dry mouth, yawn, diarrhea, sweating, decreased appetite, sleepiness, dizziness, insomnia, tremor, nervousness, and sexual side effects).

Circle Two: Lust! As the most understandable of the major sins, lust only makes circle two of Hell, where lustful lovers are tossed about by stormy winds and forbidden from making wild monkey love. Home to Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, the Marquis de Sade and eventually Larry Flynt.

Circle Three: Gluttons live here, and are punished for their gluttony by being subjected to bad weather. Seasonal affective disorder is a bitch! There's also a big dog. Captives include Chris Farley and Divine.

Circle Four: You don't hear a lot about avarice these days, but the medieval mindset classified it as a major sin. The greedy are condemned here to working for the man every night and day, doing pointless and menial tasks. Future residents include Bill Gates and Martha Stewart.

Circle Five: The angry spend eternity duking it out here, naked in a vast river of jello (or possibly water, my Italian is a bit rusty). Look for Sean Penn, Dick Cheney and Jerry Falwell.

Circle Six: This circle of Hell is filled with "heretics," by which Dante mostly means Muslims (though to be fair, Hell has several Popes in residence as well). This circle would technically also include figures like Aleister Crowley, Jack Parsons, Martin Luther and Rael. Rumor has it John Ashcroft is planning random sweeps through the Sixth Circle in search of Terrorists. Everyone in the Sixth Circle is just an ordinary guy, BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE.

Circle Seven: Ah, violence! You gotta love violence! Dante classified three kinds of violence — against self, against others and against God. Inhabitants spotted by Dante included Attila the Hun and Alexander the Great. Since this category includes warmongers, George W Bush is a potential future inmate. Dante's definition of "violence against God" inexplicably includes sodomy, which he classes as a more serious crime than murder, so the Seventh Circle could potentially host Robert Mapplethorpe and Oscar Wilde, who would be flayed on burning sands, while Adolf Hitler would merely be turned into a tree for the crime of Suicide. There is no justice.

Circle Eight: If the Seventh Circle offended your sensibilities, the Eighth is simply baffling. In the next worst circle of Hell, the sufferings of the damned would be inflicted on those who have committed the following sins (all of which are deemed more evil than murder and warmongering). In order of increasing severity: Pandering, flattery, hypocrisy, fortune telling, theft, giving bad advice, instigating trouble, alchemy, impersonation, counterfeiting, lying, and being a giant.

Circle Nine: The Ninth Circle is for betrayers of every stripe, with all the big names in betraying thoroughly represented. Judas, Brutus, Cassius, Benedict Arnold, John Wayne Bobbit, Big Pussy from the Sopranos, Cain, Lando Calrissian, Jim Bakker, Richard M. Nixon, the Rosenbergs, Randy Savage, and finally, frozen in hell's center, Satan himself. Judas, Cassius and Brutus are actually being eternally chewed by Satan, who has an intense dislike for Shakespearean characters.


Personally i'm going to the sixth circle, or possible the eigth.
How about you?

8th lol... fortune telling n witchy interests... oh dear... good thing I dont believe in that shit besides Se7en also helped the jobby by making me realise this shit is for psychos.... oh well.

tremble ye sinners for the hour of the last court hath cometh... or whatever...: o ) anywayz, if you really want to find out where you belong try this test. I'll meet you n the second circle!!

Definately two before the quiz...
drome

um... the test said I would go to the seventh level... seven is my lucky number...

Hugs
drome

[ 28. June 2003, 09:55: Message edited by: dromepixie ]

Well, I thought I was an 8, but the test put me as a 7 (with 1 and 2 close behind!).

What d'you have to score to go somewhere nice and fluffy with nice weather and good tunes? I'll be good, honest

Mebbe I should go for cryogenic storage......

I only have to go to level two.
Yay!...I think.

the seventh level of hell is where im bound for apparently....

ho hum

Level 2 for me as well then!

YAY!

I only go to the first level of Hell!

I get to share eternity with Caesar, Homer, Virgil, Socrates, and Aristotle! And no punishment.

Meet you all in circle number 7... we shall have much company, it seems... Oh well, not a Christian so hell doesn't exist. Neither does heavan, actually.

damnit,im all alone on level six,just me and the heretics pah

i took that test and i made it to purgitory...as great of a thing as that is, it kinda sucks, cuz i hear that spinning fir is great in level 3...oh well

all hell are here in this existing worldone to seven or ten what ever you feel or experienced

eeeeekkk!!!

Level two!!!

This would truly be the worst kind of hell for moi. No sex, and lots of wind...I hate wind!

Grrrrrrr!!

weird. i hATe wind too.
since my childhood, it has been my nemesis.

two for me, did you expect anything else from the scorpionic ilk?

i guess i'll be keeping a lot of you company in level 7 too.
with level 1 as a second.

I'm off to level 8
no problem I'm sure I can black mail, flatter, and scam my way to the top and be in charge.

oh wait, I'm not a christian. Hell doesn't exist oh I would have done well if there was

haha your all going to hell! im an angel so i just get to go home but i'll put in a good word with the deity, perhaps your punishments could be t spin for all eternity at St. Michael's barracks for entertainment!!!!

I wrote a term paper in high school called "Popes in Hell" about why Celestine and Boniface were placed by Dante in hell.

It upset quite a few of my fellow classmates.

I'm sure I'll end up in the 2nd circle.

..because I am an honest pervert.

Raph

g'damit, musta left that runed staff I nicked back at stone henge after smacking people with it at the orgy!

Doh- as you mighta guessed, I scored pretty high on 1,2 and 8- but 7 took the prize...

off to dwell upon my sins and perhaps repent a little.
Ben