Unlucky with guys

Warning, I am about to go on a rant, with a little bit of despairing.

I have the absolute worst luck with guys. My first, and so far only boyfriend, was a guy I met on AOL. He turned out to be scumbucket.

The next guy I had an interest in, seemed to show an interest in me, but then when comparing things to chocolate said of my brother "Maxim Tasty, Tasty Chocolate"

The latest guy that I am interested in, got a girlfriend. He stopped emailing me, broke several promises, and even though they have broken up, he still won't email me, unless I send him sixteen emails at a time, and then he replies with these short terse letters that hold nothing of friendship, or even tolerance in them. I've only sent him the sixteen emails at one time because I really really needed to talk to him, and then when I reply to his reply, he doesn't even bother to answer my question.

To top it all off, about six months ago he asked me if I had a good reason not to date him. I was hoping he would ask me out, so I said no, I didn't have a good reason, and then he goes and gets this new girlfriend of his.

I don't know what to do. Every guy but the latest has turned out to be a scuzbucket, and now I'm starting to rethink my earlier oppinion of him. Its really starting to get to me when a bunch of ten year olds look at me like some sort of freak because I've never been kissed, never been on a date, nevee had a real boyfriend (The one doesn't really count, I never actually met him face to face), and never had sex. What the HELL is a ten year old looking at me like that for about the sex thing.

I don't get why guys only thionk of me as a potential sex toy, a little sister, or some kind of weird freak. Its so frustrating.
Last night I ended up in tears because of this. Its drivin up the wall, and I'm sick of it.

Please forgive my ranting, its just so annoying and frustrating to be the only seventeen year old I know that has never been kissed or had a boyfriend.

And

ohhh honey, firstly, BIGHUGHUGGLZ!!!! xoxoxoxoxxo

Secondly, you are NOT the only 17 yr old who'se never been kissed or had a bf. urm, im not seventeen anymore, but when i was your age, i hadnt either. And somethings are just worth waiting for. Tis not worth dating a superloser just so you can say you've had a bf (i know thats not what you want to do tho)

Hang in there, and concentrate on being happy in yourself! You are a wonderful funky groovy lovely sweet person! if you just be yourself and get out there and have a blast with life, trust me darling the guys are going to be running after you like puppies!

Nothing is more attractive than a confident fun young woman! So go get em! just by being your wonderful self! xoxoxoxoxxo

bah!!! Men are overrated!!!

*help, nooooo, stop throwing things at me guys!!!*

Seriously Aisha, you sound in big need of a . I can give you all the usual stuff about "it will happen in its own time", "the right one will come along", but it doesn't make you feel any better right now.

Instead I am gonna say this, you have to respect yourself. You are beautiful & intelligent & you deserve the best. Don't let anyone mess you around, like these guys are doing. There is no kiss worth those sort of mind games (even a french one ). And if you need someone to relieve tension with, by having a whinge about how horrible men are, send me a PM. I have great suggestions of torture involving blunt spoons that I am sure you would love.

Ashia, guys are retards, take it from me I know from first hand expierence, I'm a guy!!

I cant figure out what to say, I think because Rozi and Flynt have already said it all. You need to listen to those two. They are very close friends of mine and know what they are talking about.

As far as the guys are overrated thing, I will pretend I didnt hear it.

Feel good about you first okay, you dont need anyone or anything to accomplish that.

When the woman I thought was the one and I split up, I resorted to heavy drinking. I do mean heavy I saw my recipt from the bar tab I had I spent $70 on shots alone one night. Look that is completly the wrong thing to do. If you have any inclination to do something stupid like that, dont do it!

[ 30 October 2002, 19:14: Message edited by: Raymund Phule ]

HeyHeyHey Ms. Ashia! what kind of fireplay
do you play??? (just checked profiles couldn't find ya) when I was your age I used to hitchhike quite a bit and the best advice I ever heard was from someone who picked me up. She said that "love can never be destroyed, only created" you and Sixteen E-mails had shared love but by him not returning your e-mails doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore, it just means that there is no more love to be made, what you guys created will forever still be there....does that make any sense on a rational basis on L O V E ?
ahhh Think Fire....maybe host an event get all the girlies together and bomb lady energy!
What do you say?

Aisha, so sorry to hear about your time so far with guys. I too didn't have much luck in the way of guys either when I was 17... then I finished high school, expanded my social circle and met HEAPS of cool guys...

- BUT -

before that happened, I told myself I really didn't give a shit about my (lack of) love life anymore. So because I stopped being a shy, sad little girl feeling sorry for myself, they came! I also found you always find someone when you're just about to give up!

Although its nice to be with someone, being single has its benefits too... There are many different levels of "love" as such... you are probably already loved by your friends and family more than you realise - and that kind of love isn't the horrible lustful kind either that unfortunately many relationships are founded on...

My poor darling MEN ARE SUCH FUCHEADS

... oh wait i am a male too.
my advise is too forget him.
your 17 and you haven't been kissed my god what happened there? Sorry im off ranting again.....

for all your bad luck you need to be compinsated
here have: X 1000

ouch! dats harsh! poor u... but i agree with the advice here, and in the end its worth waiting for a guy who u really like. dont feel like u have to settle for second best

Be true to urself honey

& 's

me too hunny, me too.. I'm 26..I hadn't ever been kissed until I was 17 - all my 'friends' had already lost their virginity.. Now I'm happy about that - no need to rush things.. plenty of time to find things lik that out. I've found that up this end of the singles dating thing it gets harder to find a guy that it single.. by now the best ones are already taken..

But Ashia - the advice you've got up there is great.. don't feel you have to change your self to fit in.. even if all your friends have guys and keep going on how cool it is.. use these years to work on having a great soul.. take care and happiness is what you make it

[ 31 October 2002, 04:46: Message edited by: Stix ]

hey ashia

just to say, biig hugs and fairy cakes and keep smiling. im also having a fooking week of it with the whole men thang but you know just keep smiling and be happy and fluffy and dont let the bastards get to you, after all if thats what they act like do u really want to be with them!

hugs and fluff
lolli x x x

grief, don't get me started.

My problem is that I can't find a girl who's on my level. I am yet to meet a girl who is as easy-going as I am. It's like in order to get female attention I have to emphasise different parts of my personality than the ones that I want someone to find attractive about me.

Ashia, you sound like a sweetheart, I'm sure it's just a matter of time for you. Don't worry about what other people are doing or what you think society's norms are.

The best advice I can give you is to just get out and meet people. The best way to meet a prospective girlfriend or boyfriend is through friends. Don't be cheap with yourself either, make the guy work to get you, it will also make him want you more.

Horrifying the way we gals twist themselves into knots over men. Don't worry you have LOADS of time to meet someone nice. I know its frustrating but there are some nice guys out there (I hope )

Also, the 'desperation' of a woman trying to find a man is a major turn off to men. I have wonderful fabulously funny and beautiful men who can't understand why men run a mile as soon as they show that they are interested in more than just a fling. It makes me so angry but guys should be fighting to date them. They are so eager though to find a partner that it seems to turn men off. Thing is you can't just play it cool, you have to be cool.

When you stop worrying about trying to find a boyfriend you will most likely meet someone. I find that when I am free and single and determined to stay that way I am besieged by men eager to get 'closer'.

Don't worry, you are 17, you have plenty of time to kiss lots of people! I was also a late starter, I thought kissing was icky (ah how times change!) And also way loads of time before getting involved in 'other' activities - Don't be so eager to offload your first memory as embarrassing. When it happens I hope it will be with someone you like /love and respects you in return.

Don't be down, just because your average ten year old behaves like a little trollop does not mean you have to. You will meet someone nice. Just beware of all teh HOP boys offering you kisses now!!!

In the words of Morcheeba,

"Fear can stop you loving, Love can stop your fear....but it's not always that clear!"

Just keep smiling, be yourself and soon enough the guys will be flocking to you, and if these American guys don't get the picture come over to good old England where I'm sure there's lots of guys who know when they're onto a good thing.

Be happy, stay confident,

pyro

Aisha,

Every man has one penis and one brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time.

well speakin from a blokes perspective u just havnt met the right guy we aint all bastards some of us are ok (well most of the time) dont get stressed it will happen when it happens.
just enjoy life as best ya can and somone will find ya usualy when u aint lookin

Hrmm... I've got a point but it's not quite coming together. I think it's something like "don't judge guys YET"... It's way too easy to hate men just because of the guys you meet. At 17 you don't have many different outlets to meet guys so don't dispair. Granted, most people are horrible at relationships (guys and girls). Ironic that I teach something inane as High School Chemistry when actually valuable lessons such as "how to maintain a nutureing relationship" and such are essentially ignored by the educational system.

I think of myself as a pretty good boyfriend (and have references available upon request ) and think that my most rewarding relationships have been when I've waited for someone wonderful.

When judging myself in a relationship I often ask "What do I bring to the table?"... when I'm in a bad place, or too busy or stressed in my life, I know that entering a relationship is a bad idea. If I can't honestly sit down an list things that others might find attractive about me I know I've got far bigger problems than finding someone else. The only relationship I ever want is one where me and another are both independantly happy and stable... and choose to be together. This means that you, yourself, must be a solid humanbeing before even looking.

In thinking of your situation, I think you've got two ways you can spin this. Excuse my honesty...

The first way you can spin this is to beat yourself up, get frustrated, get desperate, and end up settling for someone who will use you and manipulate you. I work with 17 year old girls every day. I see them stay in some of the most horrible abusive relationships because they'd rather do that then be alone. (So being single ISN'T as bad as being in one of the millions of abusive relationships!) I think that teenage girls are especially vulnerable to "falling for the first guy that comes along" because there are so few decent people out there. It's easy for an older guy to pick up a teenage girl and impress her because she's got no reference to base anything on. And she's got no established self yet.

Situation TWO that you can spin this... is spinning it into a positive. You can use this time to find things that you enjoy. Be around guys but DON'T base your self worth on male opinion of you. Base it on YOUR accurate, honest opinion of yourself. You're 17, give yourself a break. Have fun, be silly. And if you honestly GROW and learn and develop into a lovely woman and you want them... men will be there.

I don't buy into male bashing, not because I disagree with it (which I do) but more because I find it counter productive. People are people and most of them suck at relationships. Don't judge men because of your interactions with a few. And don't let a few mens judgement make you doubt your self worth.

Respect yourself. Respect your independance. Enjoy your youth. You only get to be 17 once. Don't fall for the first jerk who buys you flowers, makes you dinner, or calls you beautiful. Some day, if you want to, you'll find someone special and I PROMISE: They will kiss you all you want.

men suck............... end of!!

Three cheers for NYC! i agree with him `

hehe yep NYC is right

however mike is right too hehe

Don't worry about it IT's No Big Deal you just haven't meet the right guy.

Live by what William S. Quoted Searched love is good unsearch is even better!.

I lost my viginity when i was 19 (im not ashamed of it I did VALUE IT ).

I was my last gf first, it made me feel special.

Have you ever thought you might be in the wrong places when you meet guy's .

But in general most guy's do suck unless we're with the right girl !.

Anyperson can acheive anything if they don't have fear in their heart!.

men suck..period.

i am one but thats beside the point..at least im intellegent wnough to realize it. so what you havent been kissed or had sex. who they hell is anyone else to say thats a bad thing? its your life and your decision. not to say that this ''luck'' is your decision but its not that there is something wrong with you. there are only two kinds of males in the world. those who think with their penis and those who actually think. unfourtunalty the former greatly overpopulates the latter. but there are guys out there who are caring and warm and such. you just have to find them and get to know them. but would you honestly want to enter into a relationship where the guy has already broken promises and ignored you? shit like that doesnt get better when you start dating them..it just gets worse. you say it doesnt count to have a BF who was only an online thing but does it count if you actually date a guy face to face and he lies to you and doesnt pay attention to you?

so what do you do about all this? its up to you but i wouldnt worry about it that much. if all you truly wanted deep in your heart was a bf and a kiss..you would have already dated some asshole and gotten that if thats what you were honestly after. any male in the world nearly would be willing to just kiss you or date you or screw you or whatever it is you want in that area. but i should think you are looking for somewhat of a more emotional connection. just because you havent experienced that side of life quite yet doesnt mean you have bad luck wiht guys. the way i see it..if you dated a billon assholes in the next ten years or only dated one guy that was really special and meant something to you, which do you think would be the better luck? a billion meaningless flings or one relationship that really touches you and changes you as an individual and as a woman and makes you feel truly happy to have spent that time in your life with that person?

and some day soon or late you will meet someone like that..i dont believe in the whole "the one" theroy but i think that there are a few people in the world who have the potential of being that "one". and in the end if it doesnt work with that person, then it didnt work with that person. there is always another guy around the corner just waiting to take you in his arms. it WILL happen...it always does.

as for you, just put your best face forward and make yourself happy until he shows up. have friends, go to partys, do things you enjoy doing. you dont need a male in your life to have a good time, all you need is the heart to live life the way you want to...regardless of your romantic life.

live well and smile....for there is NO ONE in the world worth halting your life for...

I do believe that there is a one and only person for you, however will you meet him at 17, who knows but I doubt that either one of you would be ready for a serius realtionship like marrage. I am 21 and know for a fact that I am no where near ready to get married. The prospect of having kids scares me, I still want them but right now it aint worth the risk.

<<<<<<<Just keep smiling, be yourself and soon enough the guys will be flocking to you, and if these American guys don't get the picture come over to good old England where I'm sure there's lots of guys who know when they're onto a good thing.>>>>>>

I may just do that. I'm hopeing that I get stationed in England. I want to go to scotland and ireland so bad I can taste it. Besides, be around guys with those totally sexy accents. You bet.

<<<<<<Every man has one penis and one brain. And only enough blood to run one at a time>>>>>

In the case of Robie, the guy that went and screwed my friend, after trying on me and failing cause I don't go in for scum. I believe it.

<<<<<<Have you ever thought you might be in the wrong places when you meet guy's.>>>>>>

Yes I have. The guys in the HFS are nothing but a bunch of immature brats in my oppinion. The few good ones are either ay to old, or are taken. After that, my only social life is the internet and church. The guys at church are terrified of me because I do sword fighting, I know how to knife fight, and I know and have demonstrated for some of my girl friends over two hundred dirty fighting tricks. The so called "Normal people" AKA Cookie cutter people, have labeled me the Ice Bitch, and for the most part refuse to have anything to do with me. I wouldn't take a single one of them if you handed them to me on a silver platter. And I don't really want to get into an internet relationship, since the first and only one was such a disaster.

I would like to say thank you, for all your wonderful advice, but also for being willing to listen and care enough to give me, someone that none of you have ever met face to face, this advice. I like to think of the people on this site as a sort of extended family.
I love you guys, and hope to someday be able to meet as many of you as I can. My thanks and love
Ashia

I can see I would get a fair exchange on my blunt spoon torture suggestions

you sound like an incredibly cool person, and not in an "ice bitch" way. Carry on being who you are, don't try & change, because trust me, there will be worthwhile people who appreciate it.

Ashia, i just read your thread all just now. and until your last post, had no idea yet you're such a strong woman. good for you.

this means eligible dudes for you are fewer.

eligible serious gf women are fewer for strong men too.

keep strong. know your bfs are going to be VERY special ones. you'll always be alert anyway, no need to remind you like others who turn off for long times. personally, i love a girl who can knife fight. my new bro in here, trintek, does too - all his crew do, absolutely including women, in San Antonio TX, and are very cool -- though also hotheaded & really do get into scrapes.

i'm not really assuming you like to sword bash all the time, and i sense your strength in more than one dimension. you have a strong personality. so be the leader you are. don't chase lamers with 16 e-mails. i've done the same, but it doesn't pay, it generates polite fake response, even those who get touched for a bit, if they need 16 e-mails, 97% or more . . .100% in my experience, i think, won't stick. keep yourself open to other LEADERS.

culturally, physically, yes as sexually as you want (and despite what others have written, how much and how fast and when you want sex is not clear in here yet, and then depends on whom, right?)

then have some helluva loves. the kind go into history books, songs for the ages, your way unusual and lucky heart.

eh, chieftaness who soars with sharp spirit, dark darting through sky, a fierce cry, Ashia BlackHawk?

with all my love,

pity you're not next door to date you myself,

~ Mikie

hmmmm that "ice bitch" thing sounds familiar...

You know why? Cos you're a CRAZY chick with a PERSONALITY . Trust me Aisha girls like that are a dying breed. People get jealous of confident women and become somewhat intimidated esp at 17... Been there done that.

Don't change yourself, and you'll meet someone who is accomodating to YOU... cookie cutter people suck!

Peace love and eating nutella out of the jar

- queen of wands -

<<<<<<<<<eh, chieftaness who soars with sharp spirit, dark darting through sky, a fierce cry, Ashia BlackHawk?

with all my love,

pity you're not next door to date you myself,

~ Mikie>>>>>>>

I'm touched. Thats one of the sweetest things anyones ever said to me. An unfortunbately I know how rar it is for someone like me to get someone thats interested. Guys that like girls like me are few and far between, especially the ones that I can respect myself. Thanks Mike. Its nice to hear things like that from time to time. And those jerks I've met before can go F ck a light socket. They need the shock.
Lots of and

PS: Thanks Guys. I feel so much better now. This has really been getting to me lately. My performance tommorow will go much better without all this baggage. Love you guys so much.

[ 31 October 2002, 19:36: Message edited by: Ash ]

Glad to hear you're feeling better sweety! Pretty much all wise advise that there is to be had on this subject has already been given, so instead of just repeating stuff other people have already said better, here's some hugs:



and hey, if guys that like girls like you are few and far between, then at least you won't end up with - god forbid - someone ordinary!



Charlotte

i can sympathise, there is noone in tas that stands out of the crowd. most ppl i know go out with someone because its 'fashionable' they dont like being alone or whatever, but i think that if you have no desire to be with anyone yet there is obligation to be. that seems so obvious, but its incredible he amount of people that dont understand that you can be happy without - oh dammit, that sounded so good in my head. ahh well, what im trying to say is, listen to what everyone said here and dont go for any old shcmuck, i havent and im damn proud of it cos it will be all the more special when something does happen. sometimes though...

Hehehehe - most guys are dicks.......(opinion based on most of my close friends being girls & hearing them rant on about stuff lots)
But then women give out their fair share of head fucks too, maybe we're just all victims of the whole "ideal" thing???

I don't know, I've just had to give up on the whole relationship quest again due to someone I REALLY liked rubbing my heart up against a cheese grater (or so it feels) and having a psycho-suicide case ex still running round being mad.

If you look hard enough, you'll find someone you really love......then they'll laugh in your face/be having personal issues, tell you that they'll never go out with you, and in the mean-time you'll have spent so much time not finding your true love that you end up as a chronic-depressive and having such a low opinion of yourself that you'll never have the confidence to ask out the next person that's going to laugh in your face.........but at least you'll have another "mate" for the mates list if you want one.

Or am I just too far down that line already?????



(*Runs off to find razor blades*)