Scared of death?

Ok, so I was thinking about this last night...
Are you scared of people you love dying?
At the moment my grandad is very ill, and has been transfered to a hospital in Brighton. He was admitted some time last week after my step-gran thought she could no longer look after him (but thats another story )
He has 10% of his kidneys working, and yet none of this bothers me..at all really
He was quite confused after the transfer, and told my 2 uncles that he didn't know what he had done but they had put him in prison for 2 days. I just laughed at that, because it sounds exactly like something my grandad would say
I've spoken to one of my cousins over msn and she says she been bawling her eyes out, but in reality I can't see what this solves? Ok my grandad is extremely ill, and is probably going to die within the next couple of weeks, he might pull through he might not.
Surely the best thing to do without getting to worked up is to look after him and make sure he has the best quality life if/when he does die?
Its makes me sound like a bit of a harsh b!tch really
I've always been brought up, especially from my dads influence that to be worried about something before it happens solves nothing.
We all just need to be happy until the time comes when grandad does die, and when he does I probably will cry loads then, but until then im worrying about how happy and comfortable he is

What are your thoguhts? People have different ways of dealing with death, how do you cope with it?

I've always been scared of death, and I think I always will be.

Yeah I can be convinced momentarily that it's not as bad as it seems. Some friends have really positive views on it and I like to listen to those positive stories.

But it all comes back down to me being petrified of my Mother, Father, or my two older brothers dying. I used to have really morbid scenarios that went through my head about my parents dying, particulary my Dad. But I can train my way out of those thoughts now. But I don't think I could bare it if my Father died...or my mother...or anyone close to me! My parents are pretty old for parents, most people's parents of my age (17) are in their late 30s-mid40s if that makes sense. I've never known what it's like to have young parents, but I love them just as they are.

My Dad is 61 (looks about 40 though) and my Mum is turning 55 this year (also doesn't look it). So yeah, their deaths cross my mind more then it should. But I've always been a worrier. But they are very healthy, always exercising and looking after themselves.

Another thing is that crosses my mind occasionally is that what will happen to my brother when my parents die? He was born will Cerebral Palsy, he can talk really well, and has a great sense of humour and a huge amount of compassion for the things that happen in our world.... but is wheelchair bound and is handicapped in the hands, he's not capable of dailing on a phone or touch typing on a keyboard.... My other brother is a 4th year medical student who lives away from us, I mean he comes and visits us heaps, but in a few years he'll have completed his study and be going on to work.

I'm currently on my final year of high school, year 12, but there's going to come a time when I'm going to move out and become what I want to become - a disability worker.

I'm not really scared of myself dying, just that I'd feel bad because everyone will be sad. Not that I could literally have the conscience to feel bad but yeah, you know what I mean.

*escapes this convo before she gets too sad*

Sorry, I think I've said too much!

yeah, i used to spent hours imagining what it would be like if one of my lovedones died. used to work myself into tears.

i also spent a few months thinking about my own death. planned my funeral and everything. thats when i was about 18 and really at the bottom of th barrell.

these days i have no fear of my own death. i could pop off tomorow and the only thing that would worry me is upsetting all the people that care about me.

there are so many people in my life that i absolutley could not bear to lose buy at the sametime my own faith tells me that death is not the end and its very comforting.

I think all the ppl are scared of death of their loved ones. Me too. Sure I am...
The thing is, i've learned that the best thing is to enjoy every minute of time that you spend with close ppl. Three of my friends commited suicide (one without an obvious reason), one died in a car accident. All normal healthy ppl. and since then i know - i should love the ppl who are near, be close to them enjoy their company, because noone knows when their (or my) life may end.
I feel really sad and crushed, because i cant visit my grangrand mother who lives in israel and is 92 already, because of some reasons. She phones me sometimes and i can hear that she's crying and really is waiting for me...

So... I have no more english words to explain my feelings... But. Hold on to your love ones and your friends. Dont forget ab them. Nothing is forever on this planet...

Aimee, I feel exactly the same way you do. Death is just another phase of life, so there really is nothing to fear. It will happen to every single one of us at some point. The best we can all do is enjoy the time we do have with people and help make them smile

:dito: we can only hope it doesn't come to soon for those we love, but if it does, that's just annother part of life. what would life be without death? it would be totally meaningless

I dread the day that Tina, the housekeeper/nanny who raised me dies.

I just don't want to think about it.

My father and my mother I'll manage without...but Tina... *shakes head*

I think that I'm more afraid of serious illness than death, both for my loved ones and myself. I have watched family members dealing with the ravages of old age and cancer and watched friends die of AIDS and it's that kind of suffering that I wouldn't want myself or anyone I cared about -- or anyone for that matter -- to go through. Of course grief is hard, but we get through it.

Death itself though I'm not so afraid of. I mean, it can't be avoided for one thing. In a weird way I'm kind of looking forward to it. Not that I'm going to kill myself tomorrow, but for me thinking about death is like thinking about finally getting to bed at the end of a long day, or clocking out at the end of a shift. My time is done, and now I can go home.

So when some goth-chick with an ankh (which is an anagram of my real name, incidentally) shows up, I'll be like 'oh it's time." And that'll be that.

so, are you Kahn, Khan, or Hank? i'm rooting for the second one, its a cool name. sorry, sorry i know

In an interesting twist, I am not afraid of death for my loved ones. For purely selfish purposes I do not want them to die. I want them here with me, but that is not fear at all. I fear them suffering, or being hurt but not dieing.

I fear death for myself, and only to the extent that I love life so much, I do not want it to end and I know how it would hurt my loved ones and I never want to do that.

I am not afraid of death.. I have been there, done that, and its a surprisingly calming and uplifting situation..
Im afraid of what my death would do to my family becasue we are so close, and I dont even want to think about how arsn would feel...

I am so damn selfish that I know if someone I loved dearly like arsn or my family passed I would break.. I would snap becasue I cant imagine my life without them right now.

i read a story the other day , it goes sort of like the following:

there was a woman whos only son had died. she carried the childs body from house to house begging for medicine to bring the child back to her. when she asked at a mans house he replied "take your child to the Buddha, he will help you". So she journeid to the Buddha and asked for medicine to bring back her son. the Buddha replied "bring me a cup of water from a household where nobody has died". The woman followed his command and started asking housholds if she could have a cup of water and if anyone had died in their house. The women couldn't find household without a death in the family. she returned to the Buddha and told him what had happened, the Buddha replied "do you now understand?", and with that she took her child and buried him.

if anyone doesn't understand he was saying that everyone dies, it must be accepted and seen for what it is, nothing will last forever.

(and dont anyone call me cold, my dads had cancer since i was 12)

I'm not scared of death, perhaps scared of not being able to do everything i want to do before i die. But then again i don't really know what that is.

I'm scared of loved ones dying, naturally for selfish reasons, but if they've been suffering so long it's a release for them and everyone else.

Of course once they have gone we grieve, but the healing process requires this to happen. Sudden deaths have been the hardest for me to cope with so far.. because it all happens so quickly and it takes a while to comprehend. Especially suicide - if they could see afterwards how many lives have been torn apart, then they would see how much there was to live for.

I think that's enough for now.

I'm not afraid of death so much as I'm afraid of suffering. I don't know what death is like, but I know suffering, I know pain and I don't like it. I like living, yes, but I can't say whether or not I don't like death. I guess I'll know when I get there and by then it won't matter if I like it or not...
as far as friends or family go, I don't want to live with out them, but I have to. I love them all dearly but death will come for us all one way or another. We all have a right to mourn but we have to move on as well.

Okay, I'm gonna go to sleep now...good night and I hope all goes well for you and you family aimee

My greatest fear would be to look back when im dying and see all the things i should have done. when friends and family die its sad and id cry but id also know that any of them would slap me silly if i just sat around miserable because of it.

i'm not scared of my own death, but i hate the thought of losing people close to me, someone very close to me was suicidal a few years ago, and every time the phone rang i'd think it was someone telling me to come identify his body.

on the other hand though, about 7 years ago, my dad had a brain tumour, and i was completely unaffected. it was really strange, and i worry a bit about it now, what would have happened if he did die. i know that denial is a natural stage of grief, but i seemed to just jump straight to acceptance. we were not close at the time, but if he did die, it would have definitely affected me on so many levels.

i work with a lot of people who have been in car accident, and similar situations, and i worry about people i love being hurt in that way.

aimee, i dont think there's anything wrong with the way you are looking at this. i think it is a very wise thing to be able to look at death and acknowledge its inevitably, that all things must change from one state to another, and that there is nothing good or bad about it, and the way you feel about it is not going to influence anything other than your own relation to, and experience of, it.

to me, death is when the being that you are releases its most densest form, the physical body. we continue to exist in a higher vibrational frequency (just as different colours have different frequencies, so do we..), no longer simply attached to events upon this plane.. but more able to transcend what we thought we were (which is all just a collection of all our past experiences, ideals and opinions about everything), and come closer to what we truly are..

um. i feel like i rambled and that it may not make sense.. but here it is anyway.

<hugs>

ps. when i hear that ppl have died, inside i am really pleased for them. they have finished what they incarnated to do, and their passing is also giving other people opportunities to express who they think they are in relation to that event.. its all brilliant, wonderful and perfect, if you ask me. so yay for death! yay for change (death being the highest embodiment of change..(?))! yay for simply BEING..!!!

i like the way you look at death shen shui.

Its weird... I felt more greif losing my my first girlfriend than I did when my brother died.... that used to bother me a little... but not anymore. I feel death is inevitable, and that it is a both a blessing and a curse, much like life. It can be a beutiful thing, or an ugly thing, but that just depends on how we look at it, like anything else. When my brother died, it hurt to lose him... but on some level I understood and couldn't hurt for too long.

I've never feared death. Its a motivator. Its the companion next to me, constantly reminding me to not waste the time I have. And when it comes, I'll accept my own with the grace and humility that it deserves.

And I don't know if theres an afterlife. In fact, I'd be disapointed if there was. I don't want to exist forever. At the very least, I hope any semblance of "me" disapears upon death, if something IS left over.

i was chatting with my family yesterday..and they were telling all the funny stuff that we'd said as samll children. Then the conversation turn to when my great grandad die when i must have been 4ish. Kids I think have the BEST view on everything...
I had told my mum that grandad had gone to heaven on the carebear bus so it didn't matter that he had died becuase at least he was having fun.
My cousin told her mum that she shouldn't cry, because grandad didn't need his body anymore, it didn't matter that he was gone because he is in here..and at that point she pointed to her heart.

If only some people could keep those ideas through to adulthood...ok minus the carebears

I have no fear of dying, but of being lonely. I don't want to be left alone. You know how you hear about couples that have such a strong love for one-another, that if one dies, the other will too? Well I hope that is my husband and I. We decided a long time ago not to have children which means that when we grow old, we will just have each other. I hate being apart from him now, and he's just at work! So yeah, I have a fear of being lonely.

everybody is kind of scared of death, isolation, helplessness.. we all just deal it differently for most of us is it maybe the best way to live as intensely as possible.. as some of you know my mother died a few weeks ago on cancer and I found out the worst part wasnt that she had to go maybe I understand now we all have to no the worst part was for me that I couldnt take away her fear whilst dying I sat next to her bed saw her fear in her face and couldnt take it away we just could sit there and be with her but she had to go alone..

o and Laya I would not want my father go after her, he has still a life even if there was a strong love and I'm sure my mother would not want him to leave for her I dont think that is desirable I would want my loved ones to still have a life and that they enjoy every second after I'm gone..

I don't like the idea of people close to me dying, but if you know they're terminally ill for a while beforehand you kinda expect it and it's wasier to deal with than if they go suddenly like in a car crash or something.

Dunno if i'm scared of death myself. It's all well and good to say you are but you can't know for certain until you're actually faced with it.

nope not at all...
when it comes it comes...
and it will...
it's as much a part of life as it is and end to this body.

Well...i just found out my dad has leukemia... ontop of this he cant eat...and i dont know how to deal with it.
When i was little...hadnt even been born..dad had cancer, he was supposed to die, but when i was born..he just kept living.
And dad and i have had our share of problems over the years but, i really do love him. And, hes moved interstate so i dont know how much time i ahve left with him.
I havent found a way to deal with it yet...

sakurasakura

sending you lots of love and support, sakura.

lots and lots.

and lots.

im here for ya, sweetie... if ya wanna.

Thanks Shen...

Aimee..
My grandmother was the same before she died, unwell and unable to enjoy life.
When she passed, i didnt cry much because she wasnt herself those last few weeks and it was much kinder to let her go than to try and keep her alive and in pain.
Its tough and sometimes you dont know what to feel.
Dont feel bad that you're not bawling your eyes out...

personaly i have never been scared of death, and its not like i have a huge belief of what happens after either. i have a theory but guess will find out when i get there

Yeh im not really worried bout it, when it happens it happens..
but my nanna found out not long ago that she has lung cancer, for a couple weeks she was really sad, but now she is accepting it and getting on with life....
maybe when the time comes for me it'll worry me then.....
-not the most happy topic,but try to stay positive