Quotes me a Quote

I'm just looking for weird n wonderful quotes hopfully some funnies so please go for it

"A gentalman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionallly"

Wilde

"the mostly come at night, mostly"

- aliens!

"and he uh, unholyed the holy water"

rev. lovejoy, the simpsons

'the truth shall make ye fred'
-terry pratchett

Dammit..someone quoted Simpsons before me...

"You can't make friends with salad"
Bart Simpson

Just after Lisa creates a perpetual motion machine

" Lisa in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics ! "

Homer Simpson

DrNick: "Okay...that was a little strange. When you were in that coma, did you feel your brain being damaged?"

"I can catigoracly(spelling) say that you are not a bigger bananna head"- Lucas, Empire Records

"I don't beleive in 'isms'" Ferris Bueler(spelling) you'll have to watch the movie for the full rant on that one, it's good though

"I'm starting to realize why Vangough ate his paints" my friend Sam

"I am a BANANNA"- Bananna, Rejected cartoons by Don Hertzfeld

"Tuesdays coming, did you bring a jacket" also from Rejected.

"I'm dead too!" Helium from the Strindberg and Helium cartoons

"I love the tacos....I love the tacos gooood" - Gir from Invader Zim


yeah...i think thats enough quotes for now.

Josphin

I'm a sane person trapped in the body of a madman

Reality is nice to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there...

and my favourite:

I'm given up my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasty...

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride... And we... kill those people."

Bill Hicks

"What, in fact, is an evil giraffe? I will eat all the leaves on this tree. I will eat more leaves than I should. And then other giraffes may die. Ah ha ha ha. I am an evil herbivore."

"People occasionally say, What the **** is this? To which I reply, He he he. You say that now...But...how are you at Canasta?"

Eddie Izzard

" Murder is just extraverted suicide "

Anon
(well actually some guy on telly but I can't remember who)

"watch the back to the future trilogy....its good for your health"

"Just hit it with a hammer"

"so who stuck his hoo-har dilly in your cha cha?"

"I am the master of the woo!"

"DJ Dave's burning up the airwaves!"

"I cant be homosapiens! im not gay!"

"oh yes, that definatly looks like a severe case of Hemmoroids"

"Yes, i have an alcohol problem....i cant afford to buy it."

"Sitting in a tree, reading a book, i demanded a sililoquy for a squirel..but it never came"

"I dare you to eat it!"

"shuddupayaface!"

"LETS MAKE BABIES!"

"We can live like kings with this treasure!"....."Its a soap on a rope"..."Oh yeh..so it is"

"there needs to be a water feature in the corner...on a plinth"

"My nuts are really itchy today"

"You cant cross bridges that you've burnt, let alone ones that dont exist"

"MONKEY MONKEY MONKEY!"

"I LIKE CHEESE"

"Said a fly to a flea in a flue; "we're trapped so what should we do?". Said the fly;"let us flea", said the flea;"let us fly", so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

all by me.

Please just one/two quote per post

then at least U have 2 pick U're best ones

that fabulous wild and ineffable pleasure,of drinking at someone elses expense.
henry sambrooke leigh.

Get away from her you bitch!
Alien 2

"In the 70's when I was a baby I once wired myself to the mains"

My mate Bullet head.

"Having a Boo Radley morning are we?"--Benny & Joon
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'Love yourself and the rest will follow.'--Clare
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"I don't remember being born, it must have been during one of my blackouts."--Jim Morrison (or something like that)

Just so you know - this'll probably get closed down as there have been at least 3 previous threads on quotes...
But anyway:

"I'm not a man I'm a coastline"
Tricky Woo

"A really well made buttonhole is the only link between art and nature."
Oscar Wilde

1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.” * Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

2. ”Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff.” * Mariah Carey

3. ”Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.” * Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today show, August 22

4. “I haven’t committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law” * David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

5. “Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life.” * Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign

6. “I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.” * Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

7. “Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”* Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

8. “They’re multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off.” * Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.

9. “We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” * Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

10. “I’m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.” * Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents

11. “China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” *Former French President Charles De Gaulle

12. “That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.” * A congressional candidate in Texas

13. “The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.” *Mr. New Jersey contestant when asked what he would do with a million dollars.

14. “When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.” *Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle on the complex social issues behind the Los Angeles Riots.

15. “I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.” * John Wayne

16. “Half this game is ninety percent mental.” * Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark

17. “It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.” * Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

18. “Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind.” * General William Westmoreland

19. “What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.” * Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle at a fundraising event for the United Negro College Fund. (He was attempting to quote the line”a mind is a terrible thing to waste”.)

20. “If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.” * Former British foreign minister Ernest Bevin

21. “I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix.” *Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle

22. “After a short commercial break, I’ll introduce you to Kansas City’s latest murder victim.” *WDAF-TV news anchor

23. "when somethings hard to do, then its not worth doing" -Homer Simpson



LittleMrPoi

"I can resist everything except temptation" *** Oscar Wilde

"My middle name could be Danger... but it's John" *** Eddie Izzard

"Winter is like being dead, but with homework" *** Buster Bunny (on the children's TV programme "Arthur")

Heheeee... will post more when I remember some...

xxx

to everybody you may be just somebody,
but to someone you are everything.

The best way to refer to people out of you know what

"Crap on"!

Bender that's a great meeningful Quote

“And what are the rules? Ask me and I will strike you because you are not looking; I will have decapitated you without your knowing. One can try to formulate obscure theories to avoid playing the game or one can play the game to win.” - Daniel Kolak, Wittgenstein’s Tractatus: Translator’s Preface

“The mark of a truly beautiful woman is that from one angle she looks so stunningly lovely you feel you will die if you cannot have her; yet, from another, she is ugly, repulsive, you are afraid of her.” - Picasso

"If you're a blacksmith, probably the proudest day of your life is when you get your first anvil. How innocent you are, little blacksmith." - Jack Handey

"Between two evils, I always like to take the one I've never tried before." - Mae West

[ 25. July 2003, 15:25: Message edited by: regyt ]

"I dont know the scientific explanation for it, but fire makes it good."

Homer Simpson.

"Because I said so!"

Every Parent

"sorry, i didnt catch your name?"
"Candace."
"Canvas?"
"No, CANDACE."
"Oh like 'Were not in Kansas anymore Toto?'"
(evil stare)

[a friend of mine who was trying to chat up a girl.... he got off to a very bad start!!]

"If you can't stand the heat, you can't make a doughnut."

"Gentlemen, we have a blind date with destiny, and she just ordered the lobster!"
- the Shoveler (Mystery Men)

"I was just telling Sara K. that I have no particular segway between being sober and totally wasted, then she kicked her glass of water across the room"
- a Peace Corps volunteer in west Africa