My stupid emotions - advice please

Probably gonna get deleted but oh, well, here goes:

I underwent my first session of hypnotherapy last night because I have serious security issues concerning my better half. I can't stop feeling paranoid or jealous because every guy she meets, fancies her and has to tell her so, and offer her their love. It's even close friends of mine from uni that I trust, that I introduce to her that do it. These are the ones that piss me off the most. I always get scared that one day she'll get a better offer than I can give her, and she'll be off. I know that she thinks an awful lot of me, and that the chances of it happening are very very slim, but still I get worried. I don't want to lose the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's happened at least ten times since we've been together and it makes me so insecure that I try to push her away and hurt her before anything like that has a chance to happen to me. Thank the powers that be that I haven't managed to do it yet, and that she's so fantastic and strong that she sticks by me (god knows I don't deserve it after the way I've hurt her) But i just decided I'm getting sick of feeling so paranoid for no reason, and causing quite a bit of pain for the both of us.

Thankyou Georgina for being so amazing and having the patience for putting up with me. Words cannot express how wonderful I think you are.

I know she can't help being fantastic and beautiful, But why do other men not realise that when people are together, they are together and that's that? I wouldn't go trying to split people up because I had feelings for someone else's girlfriend. It's just not done. It's downright rude as well as makes me feel like complete sh!t.

Anyway...

My first session was last night. My mum's partner is a qualified hypnotherapist, So I get the treatment for free. It was the most amazing and yet freaky thing I have ever done!!

There I am, sitting in a chair, listening to him say things like 'your eyelids are getting heavy, and this is ok' and then he shows me a spot on his hand (proper David Blaine style) and before I know it, he's told me to close my eyes and that they're locked shut. I try to open them, but nothing. It's as if my entire body is paralysed, but I'm still in complete control of everything that is going on around me. He tells me to relax, and counts me down the 'stairs of relaxation', whereupon every step you go down, doubles your state of relaxation. By the time I get to the bottom, my body feels like a lead weight, and I feel so peaceful and calm.

He then took me on a 'trip to the cottage'. 'The Cottage' is an imaginary cottage in your head. you build up a picture of the most beautiful cottage you can imagine (mine was in Falmouth, for some reason) and the cottage is right on a cliff-edge. You walk into it and see that it's in a mess. there's crap lying everywhere, but this is no ordinary crap. What's lying around is all the emotions and experiences and indeed anything that you don't like about yourself, and you have to tidy up. I started off last night by ridding myself of quite a lot of jealousy that had built up in my mind, and a small bit of some other bad aspects of myself. I also managed to incorporate some of the urge to smoke in my rubbish. It felt so good. Once I had cleaned up a bit, I was told to 'tie a knot in the rubbish sack so that nothing could get out, take the sack to end of the picturesque garden, and throw it over the cliff'. Done. A weight off my shoulders.

Aftre that, he counted me out of the trance that I was in, saying 'when I get to the number five, you will be able to open your eyes'. 'one' he said. nothing. I tried to open my eyes early, but couldn't. 'Two'. same thing happened. 'three, four' again no response from me. 'Five' I opened my eyes and was wide awake, and still fully aware of what had been happening.

Does anyone else go through these emotions concerning their partners? Or am I just weird? How does everyone else deal with them? Can you give me any tips? Has anyone else broken up with people for reasons they later found out to be crap?

that was truly amazing to read.

firstly i would like to you are completely normal. everyone has jealous feelings sometimes. your emotions are not stupid. i am a jealous person. i understand how difficult it can be especially when your partner is an amazingly beautiful, and wonderful person.

secondly i would like to say congratulations. well done for realizing that you have a problem and taking steps towards dealing with it. it's obvious from reading this that you love your partner. she's a very lucky girl.

thank-you for sharing with us. i know how difficult it must have been for you.

*Doesn't know what to say*

A lot of my paranoia is due to depression, and the way i've been treated in the past by friends, girlfriends, and even family. I know I shouldn't take this out on her but somehow I keep doing it, and it's driving me crazy.

When I go back to Uni, I'm going to make use of the free counselling services available there. I would go sooner but there's things like the huge expense, not to mention a waiting list of at least three months to think about. I've seen a counsellor in the past, and it had great positive effects, for about a year and a half. I did neglect to discuss a couple of things with the counsellor because at the time I thought they were stupid things, and weren't the sort of thing that should affect people the way they were affecting me, not to mention that I didn't think the counsellor wanted to hear them. Silly me. paying the price now.

Thank you SNOOPoi for the votes of confidence. you've cheered me up today.

so you know. if you are under 25 you can get free counseling. i'd got o your doctor. it's what i did

I am indeed. I'm 22.

However, in the past I have tried going through my GP/doctor/whatever you wanna call them to get counselling, but they said that there was a waiting list of AT LEAST three months. I could've killed myself a million times over by then. Instead, they referred me to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist was able to see me sooner, but I thought that they were a load of crap because all they did was try to fill me up with as many drugs as possible instead of actually sitting down and listening to my problems. If I told them I felt low, they'd increase my dose. If I told them I felt good, theyd say: 'carry on with what you are taking, then, and I'll see you next week.' After a year and a half, and many different types of anti depressants, and a few near death experiences and hallucinations because of the level of my intoxication on them, I got so pissed off with it all that I went and saw a private counsellor for £30 a session. Two months later I felt 100% better.

I would try and see a free one again, but I don't have that much time to wait. By the time they get around to even putting my name on a list, it'll be time for me to return to university again, and I'll be damned if I can afford to travel over 500 miles there and back again every week, just to see a counsellor for 50 minutes!! Plus if you go to a doctor, they just try to put you on more anti depressants as well. I've had enough of being out of it on prescribed drugs. It seems drugs are the answer to everything nowadays!!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not slating your advice at all, in fact I think it's very sound advice, and would tell anybody else to do the same, but it's just impractical for me at the moment.

Thankyou once again for your advice and concern. It means an awful lot to me that somebody is taking the time to show me some consideration. I don't know many people that do that for me.

i will do anything i can to help.

they won't give me anti-depressants coz I'm only 16. i am on a waiting list, i feel positive just knowing that soon something will be done to help me.

i understand that not everyone is the same though. i have had a really rough year so far. if you ever feel like you need to talk you can talk to me. i will always listen.

Thanks. I'll bear that In mind.

Same goes for you.

thanx chick

Yeah, popping pills is absolutely NOT the solution to any problems. My mother is a psychologist and she gets very annoyed when her patients ask her what drugs they should take.

"Do you think there's anything wrong with you, physically?"

"No."

"Then why should you be given drugs?"

Most of the effects are in the mind, not the body. Getting hooked on Anti-Depressents and Prozac don't help the cause of the problem. I also find it annoying and jealousy provoking when other guys ask my GF out, and I don't understand why they do it. Sure, if I wasn't treating her right, or something like that then they'd have a reason, but I'm not. So back the hell off. Sorry, I get very annoyed with that. Probably cos my last GF was stunninly beautiful...

Hope the Hypnotherapy continues to work for you, and all the support and stuff you deserve.

You know EXACTLY where I'm coming from. My GF is stunningly beautiful (though she won't admit it). The most annoying thing is that it's some of my close friends that ask her out. THey shouldn't do this is they're really my friends. It feels as if they're only friends with me so that they can get close to my Girlfriend.

This hurts.

Or maybe it's just my depressive tendencies coming through?

Ed,

It sounds like you've had a run of bad luck with your choice of friends. But you have a great girlfriend so try to dwell on that i.e. look at the postives rather than the negatives. Sometimes it best to live life rather than ask "what if?" all the time. But of course you know all that already and this isn't much help so have a load of these:



Are the both of you confirmed yet for Falmouth?

Hope to see you there (I'll use less chilli in the curry this time )

Cheers, Stu. But no need to tell me how great she is. I realise this, even if I do try to push her (and everyone else) away from me. Sometimes I do it because I think it's for her good and that she'll be better off without me in the long run, and also because I can't stand the paranoia I suffer and want to end the hurting I'm feeling, and not be a burden to other people.

I'm a deffo for falmouth (shall be coming down with Durbs again) But unfortunately, it's looking like georgina shan't be joining us.

This means that I'm not gonna see her until I go back to uni. I miss her like crazy and that's not helping my current state of affairs!!

Cheers guys for all your kind words. Your making me feel a million times better.

i dont post a lot on hop just hide in the back ground see whats goin on reading your thread reminds me of times in my past not to your degree but every one suffers from some kind of jealousey at some point in our lives it what makes us human dont feel bad about it but from what i can see from looking at what you have posted you truly love and care for your girlfriend and to do this for her and your relationship nothing but good can come from it . hope it all works out for your and rember...................................................

smile its free

i might be at falmouth! it will be nice to meet you if i manage to make it!

i wish i had a man who loved me as much as you love your partner. i hope things all work out for you.

Friends trying to pull your girlfriend? I wouldn't trust them all too much as friends then, unless they are just joking around or winding you up. I used to hang out with my boyfriend and his mates a lot, some of them were attracted to me but the ones who respected us and our relationship would never dream of pushing the issue further. If they ever did I would be very angry, they know I love my man so to try anything would seem so disrespectful. Just my thoughts on that one.

ed im not being cruel here but after reading this i do need a break from you so you can sort yourself out.i also need the time to think.you say you love me so much one minute then you tell me its all my fault the next.i cant stand it,iv tried but its hurting me trying to help you and now your family hate me cos youve basically said its my fault.
give me a ring later where i can talk to you better.dont get upset at this,im still here whenever you need me.

I'm so sorry

I know why you're doing this, and I completely understand. I just wish I wasn't this way.

My family don't hate you. I've sorted that out.

Please don't forget about me. I love you with all my heart and I always will. You are and always will be the best thing to have ever happened to me. I'm so grateful just for your existence.

F*ck this hurts.

Ahh crap. So sorry, for both of you. Can't express this too well, but you both have my deepest sympathies and I hope you can work together to sort all this out. People on the forums are all really nice and understanding, and will offer you a lot of support if you need to vent or talk to someone. In the meantime.

I know It's a generalisation, but the *general* attitude these days seems to be:

"Hi Doc, I think I'm Depr...."
"Here's some Prozac. Next."

This is what annoys my mother. Also I know somone who's had permanent damage done to their hormonal systems because someone gave her antidepressents while she was on the Contraceptive Pill and didn't bother to check for possible conflicts. She now has to take medication every day or she starts getting really depressed and ill.

But this is way off topic again, sorry for hijacking the thread. to you all. Hope it all works out.

Nucleopoi, no offence but i think that's a little harsh telling him that on a public forum. Surely it would have been a bit more subtle to tell him to his face or at least phoning him rather than leaving a note for him to read.

Not that is any of your buisness anyway

Well, I gotta disagree with SNOOPoi. It's not completely normal. A bit of jealousy is normal, but when it starts to interfere with your relationships, it's not normal.

But I'll also agree with SNOOPoi that your insight and judgement into the matter are stunning. You realize that YOU have a problem and not your girlfriend. And you realize that YOU need help for it. That's the first step and it's half, or more than half of the battle.

I don't know what to say and I don't have advice to offer, but I wish you the best of luck in figuring out how to get around it, no matter how you do.

ok il share some of my problems with you....

i have been hurt so many times in the past,i have always been put down,my best is never good enough.

i have a low opinion of myself so much that i hate myself,my family hates me and my mother really doesnt like me.i feel as if i can never do anything right.whenever i think i do well in something it is never good enough and i get a response of 'oh is that all you got'.

This makes me feel alone.i never knew my dad so i was brought up under my mother with the constant put downs and the abuse i received.i lived with this and i put up with it and still do.I felt/feel alone.I am a flirty person maybe due to the feeling alone so i try to attract people.i really dont mean anything by this and i wont stop being like this.all my friends are guys and they are the people i get on with the most seing as i am rather a tomboy.

i realise thet ed is depressed, insecure but i find it hard to take it.
it upsets me a lot that he pushes me away.

It also doesnt help matters that my mum doesnt like ed and a get the brunt of that and that i am a disappointment.

doesnt fill me with confidence.

anyway,getting preoccupied and im sure this makes no sense lol.

time for me to go cry lol.

to both of you and hope that things turn out for the best no matter what it may be. your both great people

I hope you guys can sort out your problems

That really touched me, hun.

I know it must've taken a lot to tell people some of the things that affect you. Well done. Like I keep saying, you are amazing.

I should have another hypno session this weekend. That should help me to rid myself of the paranoia of losing you. This time, when he says 'take your time and clean out anything you want from the cottage', I'm gonna take my freakin' time! I don't care if he has to sit and wait there for hours, it's gonna be done. I'm fed up of causing us both pain. I love you.

I'm so sorry that my paranoia has built up to this level, and I keep jumping to conclusions, I really am. If I knew this was gonna happen, I would've done something about it a long time ago.

As for your problems, It's my turn to help you. You only have to say the word and it's done. Or in the process of being done, or getting the ball to start rolling... whatever I'm able to do. It's the least I can do for somebody who has shown so much caring for me. You didn't ask for it, But I owe you a huge debt.

I love you with all my heart, and I always will.

Probably doesn't help my situation that I miss you like crazy!!

If you're sure your mother would be OK with it, I'd love to come and see you for a couple of days!! I'm working next week, and on the 4/5th aug, as well as from the 22nd aug onwards. Falmouth is the 21st july to the 25th, other than tha, I'll come and see you whenever is best for you, even if I have to walk every mile of the way!!

Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks all for your warm feelings!!

Nucleopoi and I are now back together. Even if there are still a few things hanging around to try us!

Oh well, what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger!