Life Changing Decisions

Recently i've been seeing my future completely different then a few years ago. I keep seeing myself in a different life then I once saw. For example I once saw myself living in a big barn house in 10 years time, now I see myself in a big canal boat. I once imagined myself owning a home develop business like my mother, now I see myself as a private IT and Guitar teacher. I don't know what's making these decisions. Prehap's it's the book's i'm reading or the changes in my life. Can anyone relate to this? Have anyone of you had good changes in your life to how you once imagined it.

I don't know how I expected to be at 19, but I know what you mean about seeing different things for the future. I have so many different ideas I see myself as and have to keep telling myself to do what my heart tells me to do, not society or family expectations.

And bad changes are only bad because you make them bad. I think that whatever comes, to make the most of it. and if it doesnt seems as good at first, then change it again and try to turn it around.

When I was 6 I wanted to be an architecht or physicist or something, but my mum said I had to be a rock star, and in secondary school I decided playing music in would be a lot more fun than sitting behind a computer for 8 hours a day. Took quite a while to set in though, it wasn't a moment of clarity or anything.

hey there i know exactly how you feel, i'm only 20 but have had a change in focus a few times now. The best thing is to talk to heaps of people about it and make sure that you feel it in your heart, feeling it in your heart is real important. I made the wrong choice and am currently doing a degree which i have lost complete interest in, buts thats life.

My advice: Follow what truly feels right.

i had no plans, then in january i defered from a nursing degree, now i dont know if i want to do it at all so i have no plans again, yay........

Yet another decision to decide. Me and my girlfriend Amy broke up on Sunday night after a 21 month relationship. Let me give you the etire story.

I believe everyone here has heard or tried "Passing the ice cube". For those who don't know what it is, it starts off with one person holding a ice cube between their lip's, then the aim of the game is to pass the ice cube to the person next to you using your tongue.

My girlfriend decided to try this game with a couple of her friends. At first she told me she didn't have a clue what the game was and it was her first try. Then after her first round one of her guy friends went too far and kissed her, where she backed off. This I got very angry at, as for ages I had said I didn't trust her friends, now my suspisions were proven right.

Later on in the evening after she told me this I asked some more questions about what had happened. She then changed her story and said that she had a couple of try's. This had completely infuriated me. She had changed her story from not knowing what the game was to having her round passing a few times. At this point I was shouting and punching random door's and walls of my bedroom.

What I don't understand is how she could lie to me about the situation. Then after all this, before she even told me about this, she came back to my home, kissed me, laid next to me in my bed and not tell me? This just made my stomach turn over several times, it still does now.

Last night I broke up with her after knowing the new story. I love her more then I even understand it. But I can't be with someone that I can't trust and can't bare to touch because someone else has. The relationship would never work that way. Amy has convinced me to meet up with her later on today, she want's to talk about what happened. It won't change anything, but maybe we can still be friends. But in the time until then.

I plan to find this guy Chris Thomas (the guy that kissed Amy) I plan to find him and crush his face into the ground. He knew perfectly well that Amy was in a relationship. I don't care if he was one of Amy's old school friends, he's caused too much to happen for me to let it go.

I know Amy isn't the innocent one in all this. It was all her fault for going into the stupid bloody game. She say's she loved me, but how can she when she went into the game? After she knew what it involved. I would never go into a game like that. Never!

stop.

take 3 deep breaths and count to ten.

do you think punching this guy is really going to help anything? think about the consequenses before considering assaulting someone.

give yourself an hour to calm down, perhaps spin your poi a bit, then come back, read your post again, and think about it.

its when we act purely on our emotions - especially anger - that its all too easy to get fired up and make irrational mistakes we later regret.

E

Seriously, you need to calm down.

Can I point out a few things:

1. she told you in the first place so she obviously feels for you enough to tell you about it (which is more decency than some people have to go through by finding out by other means!)

2. Violence is not going to solve anything.

3. I understand that you are angry but seriously she backed off, she told her friend no, wouldn't that show that she was thinking of you when she did that!

4. Sometimes humans do stupid things for which they end up regretting.

5. You need to get anger management sorted out, to me it sounds like you have taking a running, flying leap right into the deep end.

I have talked to my girlfriend. We are now back together. I told her about how she has completely lost my trust. If she had the slightest amount of respect for my feelings or loved me in the slightest she wouldn't even have considered going into that kind of game. She told me she assumed it would be alright because she didn't expect her "Friend" to do that. I found out that Chris had tried this before, both with Amy and other female friends. This changes nothing. Me and Amy are going to try and start up where we left off.

Yes punching this guy is seriously going to help. My friend's are backing me 100% with this. My girlfriend has accepted that this is what I have to do. What would you guy's do if someone kissed your partner after knowing they were in a relationship? I'm sure you guy's would feel the same. This guy has it coming, he should have thought about this before making his move.

You guy's have to bare in mind, I love Amy more then I ever could have imagined. She is everything to me. But to think of anyone touching her like Chris did, it make's me physicaly sick.

Amy only told me as soon as she did because I knew something had happened. Amy left me for a day and a half before telling me what happened. In that time only the worst thing's possible were flying through my head of what she had to tell me.

My friend's aren't or have egged me on, they just won't think me any less of a friend by doing what i'm going to do.

What you are planning is deliberate assault, with premeditation. You will hurt someone, maybe more than one person, risk being hurt yourself, and will likely, if anyone has any brains in this situation, get legally charged with assault. Oh joy, a violent criminal record. Like that that will facilitate any of the life plans you are busily creating....

To top it off, if I was your girlfriend, I would break up with you because I could not bear to be involved with a violent man who can not control his temper or his ego. You would not be a person I respect. Would she want the hands that consciously and unnecessarily hurt someone to then caress her body? I think not. Grotesque.

Any which way, if you hit him, you are the biggest loser.

Grow up, a dumb game passing ice cubes by mouth, and an inadvertant kiss do not matter. Attacking someone will.

Deal with your anger in a better way: write, dance, go outside alone and yell, sing, draw, spin, run, climb a mountain, punch a punching bag in a gym if you really can not manage any other way... but you can and should do better than hitting some poor sod who tried to cop a kiss from a friend.

And to think you started with a discussion about the nature and origin of life changing decisions. Maybe you should count this as one, and choose wisely.

violence begets violence, my friend...be the bigger man and stop the cycle.

with all the suffering going on in the world today, do you really want to add more?

focus on your relationships that matter, not this random guy who you could care less about.

I have respected the feelings and emotion's of my girlfriend from the moment and even before we started going out. This is the first time i've cared about my feeling's and emotions before hers. If what you say is true, she wouldn't be able to bare knowing what my hands have done to that man, think about how I feel, knowing that her lips have touched about 3-4 other men while playing that game. How can I kiss her knowing that? This is why i'm going to do what that i'm going to do to Chris. Because I know that he has touched Amy in a way that I can't even forgive her for. What did she expect was going to happen in a game like that with a load of drunk guys. This is why i'm going to hurt Chris. This is why the trust between me and Amy is going to take so long to re-build.

From what you're saying it sounds like your girlfriend is causing just as much frustration as this guy has.

I know how difficult situations like this can be when in a relationship as I had something similar if not actually quite a bit worse happen with my girlfriend of 2 years back in 2003. I was absolutely furious- I am absolutely the kind of person to avoid any confrontation but I was so insensed that I did physically confont this guy BUT, and this is crucial, I DID NOT go looking for a fight, nor would I have been willing to participate in one. My mere presence and obvious anger was enough to send a clear signal that this wasn't acceptable behaviour.

Hitting this guy will only lead to more difficulty, possibly trust issues with your girlfriend, and you may end up getting hurt, prosecuted (as mentioned above, you have, by posting here given clear intentions and therefore premeditated assault). What if you go and hit this guy and then get beaten up by the same guy retaliating? What is that going to do for your self-esteem?

You are being very irrational, allowing your head to boil over and losing sight of what matters. If this guy is the menace you claim, your friends, if they are such, should show some solidarity and make it clear they don't want to be in the company of someone that makes advances on other peoples girlfriends.

Be the adult, make a mature, rational decision and resist the temptation to lash out.

I am at the state of mind that I don't care for being prosecuted or even losing the fight. But no partner of the other girl's that Chris has kissed has lashed out, who say's that this won't happen again, maybe not with my girlfriend but someone elses. I perfectly understand what everyone here has said, I understand it 100%. This is someone I have to do. He was tried to come onto Amy in the past before we were going out, even then Amy said no to him. And yet he still persists with trying to kiss her. If I don't do something this time he will try it again. I am certain of it.

Amy went into the game, he kissed her. Yes I admid Amy was stupid to think that nothing would happen, but none of this would had happened if it weren't for chris. And I don't know if you read properly, but the trust was lost because she lied to me about what happened. That is why the trust was lost.

I want to apologise for the harshness my first response, it came out meaner than I meant to (sorry, have been hanging out at Livejournal and people are kinda brunt there... ).

But still, hitting him = not cool. And if the trust is lost, why continue with the relationship?

I love her. That is my only response. I believe that she wouldn't ever cheat on me, but where the trust was lost is that she lied the first time to spare my feelings and anger. Amy is staying with me in Friday night. That will calm me down tremendiously.

Well, if you love Amy - work on saving the relationship and working out your trust issues together, not punching some other guys lights out. Amy (if she's a reasonable girl) won't appreciate that and will probably mean that you lose her forever.

Good Luck!

and

You lot are right. I try not to be a angry or violent person. I scared Amy enough by punching a hole through my bedroom door. I don't want to be that kind of person. I'm not that kind of person. I won't hurt the guy. But I will warn him. And if he does touch Amy again, I will break both his arms.

You can never be responsible for or control someone else's behaviour, you can only deal with your own. And you are heading into serious danger here.

I am quite prepared to be blunt and brutal on this. Stop acting like a total idiot.

Your girlfriend stuffed up. Either forgive her or leave her. Neither of you will be happy in a relationship based on guilt.

Chris has stuffed up, and from the sounds of it frequently. Be angry, that is allowed. However don't you bloody well dare allow it to ruin your life. If you must confront him about this, tell him with words not with fists. Cos from the sounds of it none of the others he has tried this with have done that.

Don't just be the tougher man, be the smarter man.

Edit: You posted at the same time as me. Breaking of arms = bad.

I'm sure it won't come to that after I warn him.

how very patronising of you Jeff, and how very unhelpful.
Thumper, I'm with the others, try and calm down a bit, and just focus on your love for Amy, not on your hatred and angre toward the doofus guy.

OMG jeff...if you have no problem with your girl kissing other people there is something wrong there....maybe your relationship isn't that serious or maybe you are very stable in it....but if the person I was seeing kissed someone else I would flip...

Mind you I still think that violence is not the answer and Thumperrabbit needs to get some serious anger management help.

If you want to let of some steam go to the gym and thwack a punchbag, you don't have to put yourself in the wrong. Nobody ever needs to lash out at anyone.

You obviously just want to protect her, so let out your anger in a posotive way not a negative way.

You still have you girl don't you? Celebrate it

I have said, i'm not going to hit him, merely warn him. That's all i'm going to do. Me and my girlfriend are back together, I'm trying to keep it that way. I will only hurt Chris is he tries anythign on Amy after i've warned him. I don't want to frighten Amy anymore then I have already. We're going to try and start off were we left. I have calmed down after taking on board your opinions and those of my friends. Your all right, I should be a bigger man then Chris.