#670834 - 22/12/05 06:26 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: jo_rhymes]
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playing the days away
Registered: 19/08/03
Loc: The Middle lands
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Written by: jo_rhymes
oh, despite the rumours, Sym isnt Jesus, he just looks incredibly like him.
Happy Birthday Jesus! In the happy (ahem) spirit of things I searched the interweb for a joke I thought you might like. If it offends you Jesus please write me a pm and I'll edit the post 
Jesus Christ is dying on the cross, his disciples are gathered around, crying.
Peter looks up and notices that Jesus seems to be calling him, "Peter, come hither!" Immediately Peter rushes over to the cross, only to be hit severely over the head by the roman guard. He gets on his feet again and wants to return to the other disciples when he hears Jesus calling again, "Peter, come hither!"
So, again Peter tries to climb the cross to get to his lord, when the roman soldier draws his sword and chops Peter's arm off. Peter is getting a little pissed and wants to go back to his buddies, but again Jesus summons.
The roman guard can't believe that Peter is trying yet AGAIN to climb to the cross, and chops off another arm.
Peter is now covered in blood and demented from the blow to the head and wants to call it a day. Jesus hoarsly croaks, "Peter, please, come to me!"
By now, the roman gurad is tire of chopping limbs, so he lets Peter be.
The faithful disciple struggles to climb the cross (without arms mind you)and after hours he arrives at his Lord's side. Hurting, suffering, bleeding, Peter looks into his Master's eyes and asks, "yes, Lord. What is it!"
Jesus smiles lovingly and looks off into the distance as a weak smile plays across his face, "Look Peter, I can see your house from here!"
_________________________
Becoming a Dad is the best feeling in the world  Watching them grow teaches you a whole new type of love 
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#670837 - 22/12/05 07:58 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: alien_oddity]
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Woman! Not gay Man!
Registered: 13/10/05
Loc: Hull...ish
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isnt he supposed to have actually been born in june or something?
_________________________
I AM NOT A GAY MAN!
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#670838 - 22/12/05 08:01 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: thegreatBJ]
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Momma Bear
Registered: 10/04/05
Loc: Telford, Shrops
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Sorry Sym,
just because you have long hair and a beard doesnt make you the messiah. I keep telling you this.
And of course Jesus exists! what you on about!! Who do you think dresses up in red and white and delivers our presents?!! Silly hippy fools...
_________________________
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
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#670839 - 22/12/05 08:05 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: jo_rhymes]
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Momma Bear
Registered: 10/04/05
Loc: Telford, Shrops
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#670840 - 22/12/05 08:21 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: jo_rhymes]
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Carpal \'Tunnel
Registered: 31/12/04
Loc: in the trees
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Written by: jo_rhymes
Sorry Sym,
And of course Jesus exists! what you on about!! Who do you think dresses up in red and white and delivers our presents?!! Silly hippy fools...
has this just answered my questions about christ???
*starts singing*
"I am the anti-christ............and i am an anorchist!!!! don't know what i want, but i know how to get it, i wanna DESTROY" lalalalalala
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#670844 - 22/12/05 08:26 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: alien_oddity]
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the 1337 poier
Registered: 07/07/05
Loc: england
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 he was supposed to be born in july hehe that joke is funny...
_________________________
ive got a fuzzbox and im not afraid to use it
R.I.P. gayfest
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#670845 - 22/12/05 08:41 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: the_poier]
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remembers when it was all fields round here
Registered: 27/02/03
Loc: in the works... somewhere...
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#670846 - 22/12/05 08:46 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: Spanner]
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Momma Bear
Registered: 10/04/05
Loc: Telford, Shrops
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#670850 - 23/12/05 12:04 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: VampyricAcid]
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Macaque of all trades
Registered: 27/04/05
Loc: wombling free...
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do you recon Jesus would want this this for christmas / birthday present
_________________________
A couple of balls short of a full cascade...
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#670851 - 23/12/05 12:42 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: Mynci]
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Insert Champagne Here
Registered: 21/07/03
Loc: without class distinction
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ooh! I have a jesus action figure!!!! it winds up and it moves along with its arms going up and down!!!
To whoever said it, yes, I think Jesus ws actually born in June but they changed the date to December 25th...summer solstice, anyone?
also, i have another joke for you, but bare with me cos i'm TERRIBLE at re-telling jokes.
Jesus and some of his disciples were walking up a mountain one day with a nice little picnic of bread and fish planned. But as they were walking up the hill, Jesus turned to Peter and said
"hey, Peter, there's all these people following us"
But Peter just said, "Just keep walking Jesus"
But then the crowd kept growing larger and larger, so Jesus turned to Matthew and said "Matthew, that crowd just keeps getting bigger and bigger, what are we going to do?"
And Matthew calmly replied, "Just keep going Jesus."
They finally reached the top of the hill, set their picnic down when Jesus turned around, threw his arms in the air and said "Hello my friends! There is enough bread and fish for all of you!"
But then Peter yelled, "Jesus! Sit down! you're drunk!"
_________________________
i would have changed ***** to phallus, and claire to petey Petey
Rougie: but that's what I'm doing here
Arnwyn: what letting me adjust myself in your room?..don't you dare quote that on HoP...
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#670852 - 23/12/05 01:58 AM
Re: Happy Birthday Jesus
[Re: Rouge Dragon]
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Momma Bear
Registered: 10/04/05
Loc: Telford, Shrops
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lol thats great!!! hahaha
I think Jesus will bring us loads of presents this year for celebrating his birthday so well!!
_________________________
Hoppers are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
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