Evil friend? Help...please!

Okay I don't know if this is in the right board. I am a regular member on this board but had to make this post anonymously I hope no one minds.

I have an issue that I need help with.

You see I think that one of my so called good friends is trying to crack onto my current boyfriend who I am totally enamoured with.

I have found her flirting with him whenever we have a get together and I know she has a track record of flirting and dating other people's boyfriends (sometimes after break up sometimes not).

Should I pull her up on what she is doing and get her to stop or should I just not talk to her anymore?

tell her your on to it and dont appreciate it...

Talk to her! I have a friend like that too..... she doesn't even realize what she is doing and maybe it's the same with your friend. But don't be too angry (even though it's very hard). Just tell her that you don't like what she is doing and that it hurts you. If you mean the same to her as she does to you she will be sorry and stop doing it. If she doesn't - well - break off the contact. And if he is going for it - well - brake up with him. Then he is definitely not worth it.
I know it's easy for me to talk so matter-of-factly about it but with some things that happened to me I finally realized that some things (or guys) are not worth worrying about any longer. If he really loves you there can no girl be able to seperate you two. Hope everything works out well for you....

Bit of a tricky one that one... Especially if you don't want a confrontation over it...
He is flirting back, or is it onesided? If shes flirting with others boyfriends too, maybe its not to be taken personally?

I know personally, i'm a bit of a flirt with the boys, both mates and friends boys (girls too sometimes) and my friends have never complained to me because they ultimatly trust me - They know me, and know that i've been cheated on enough times to never intentionally steal anothers boy, and that i never date a guy after he's broken up with a friend unless shes moved on and is seeing another guy. (Only come across that situation once)

But i guess if you are going to decide to not talk to her over it, you should at least explain why so she doesn't do it again, so she knows where you are coming from.

And talk to your boy, he should be able to reassure you that nothing will happen, and there should be trust there as well, with your partner, and if you can't trust him as well as the friend, you should cut them both loose, or if both reassure you that nothing is going to happen and your still uneasy, examine where this insecurity is coming from, before it affects this and future relationships.

Hope it all works out

Ask her about it...then tell her that you see what's going on and you don't like it and see what she says...if she denies it completely then bring it up in a nice way but very distinct fashion and try to get her to admit she's in the wrong seen you already know and if you give her the point upfront she wont have any way to deny it...if all else fails tell her that if she doesnt stop then the friendship will be in failure I hope everything works out for you too and even tho everyone says that no man is worth fighting for...if you love him that much then he is worth the effort Hope you guys get everything sorted

Of course we're worth fighting for. I myself am particularly worth a good cat fight

On a more serious note

Some people are always inclined to flirt no matter who they are talking to it may be that she fancies your guy but might not be trying to steal him. (if your emamoured it stands to reason that other girls might be too....).

I agree that it should be addressed. Talk to your boyfriend about it (I realise that this is against all the rules of cryptic female-boy communication). It might be easier for him to show her that he's not interested in her. It would also help avoid driving a wedge between you and your friend if this is a possible misunderstanding.

Sublty is the way to go here.

He's a lucky guy this fella, to have you worry over him so...

Surely you should let your boyfriend in on your concerns?

That way, its houdln;t really matter what she does or doesn't do...as long as you two as a couple are being honest and open with each other...?

There are all sorts of situations where someone else may be flirting with him where you don't know it's going on, so you need to engage in some dialogue with him to know where you both stand, rather than try to deal with one situation you happen to knwo about...

In my opinion, of course...

Isn't there an unspoken rule of friendship that you never go after a friend's bf or gf, or anyone they dated recently, or even a current crush? It just makes for bad feelings all the way around. However, I agree with earlier posts, that you should discuss this with both your friend & boyfriend, at seperate times & privatly of course. Try to do so diplomaticaly (sorry bad spelling) because all of her actions might be innocent, but at the same time let your concerns be known & that you don't like what you're seeing & it's hurting your friendship. If you see your BF reacting to her in a manner you feel is not ok, then I would start worrying about how much you can trust him also, because for anything to truly happen it would take both of them.

Good luck.

*shuts mouth before she gets in trouble*

ya, i had the same thing happen recently, so i'm bitter. my advice wouldn't be too....friendly

i know exactly how you feel. know there are rules about bf/gf/recent exs being off limits, but that just doesnt stop some people, does it? theres a difference with friendly flirting and more dangerouns flirting (and sometimes its worse when you see a close friend doing it because usually you know their track record)

please feel free to PM me, or add me to msn (miss_bess at hotmail) if you want to discuss it. the same situation happened to me last year. i dont want to say too much on the board for fear of certain people (who i know are members even though ive only seen them post maybe twice) criticising me.

goodluck.

tell her you are leaving him for me

I was almost an evil friend last night...
A nice fella i know who i know, shall we say, "propositioned" me last night... We'd worked out to meet later in the week, and where we were going to meet for our pre-holiday fling (i leave perth in 2 weeks), and was quite excited by the whole thing, until i remembered he was a friends ex, and she was still hung up on him (he previously didn't know that).
We discussed the whole idea of just going for it and keeping it a secret, but in the end, worked out we couldn't do it to the poor girl, and so wrote it off as full moon madness.
Kinda dissapointed, but know that i can live with that, and i'd rather keep a friendship that i value, than gain momentary pleasure.

Damn it, why do i have to think of other people?
Wonder if its too late to go back and change my mind?

Nah..... Not worth it..... Love my friend too much

hmmm...tricky situation...I always thought there was a rule as stated by some others in here too but was sadly mistaken when one of my friends started dating my ex just after we recently broke up.

I was more peed off at my ex for cracking onto my friend after HE had made the rule that we weren't allowed to date each others friends.

But I must say I was a bit hurt to start off with because I thought the rule of not dating your friends currents or exes did exist.

I got over it though.

In regards to your problem you need to talk to your boyfriend make him see the situation...then if your friend makes advances he will be forwarned and he can be the one to back off...then you will not need to lose your friend.

Although if she keeps doing it to a number of your friends then I would say ditch her sorry arse she obviously isn't much of a friend if she is cracking onto your boyfriend. And especially if she has a history of doing it.

I have to agree with the posts above me. Some people dont' follow the "guidlines to friendship" & those are people I personally choose to not have as friends. I don't want to have friends that I can't trust. I always confront my friends when issues that upset me arrise & usually we work them out & often times it came from a common misunderstanding, but there have been friends that intentionally did exactly what I thought they had done, like sleeping with my boyfriend or flirting with intentions. I don't need those people in my life & I don't need boyfriends in my life that would fall prey to those people. The old saying goes "Do unto others as you would have done unto yourself" or "Do as thy will, as long as it hurt NONE" Sometimes it's hard to avoid hurting others but to so intentionally do it is just wrong by all accounts.

i have an idea??????
kick her in the c. u . n . t!!!

The warrior of light knows when an enemy is stronger than he is.

If he decides to confront him,he will be destroyed instantly.
If he responds to his provocations,he will fall in to a trap.
So he uses diplomacy to resolve the difficult situation in which he finds himself.When the enemy behaves like a baby,he does the same.When he chalenges him to a fight,he pretends not to understand.

His friends say: He is a coward.

But the warrior pays attention; he knows that all the rage and courage of a little bird are as nothing to a cat.

In such situations,the warrior remains patient; the enemy will soon go off in search of others to provoke.


Paulo Coelho from book Manual of the warrior of light