13 Reasons To Smile

Here's a little email my mom sent me, thought I'd pass it along...



13 Reasons to Smile

~Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

~Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

~I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

~How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?

~A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

~I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

~When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

~Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.

~Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

~Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

~Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

~Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

~Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And I'd like to add a few of my own at the end of this...from the Madam to all of the dieters out there.

If you eat someone else's food, the calories don't count.
If you eat & no one else sees you, the calories don't count.

That's at least one reason to smile....

good points one and all. I particularly like the xenophobic one. Should go down well on a multicultural board such as this.....

No no, the true question is why we choose from 50 people for Miss America when all of them would probably be better presidents than Bush.

Stupid Bush. I mean...at least Miss America is for world peace...

Ok, that's all out of my system now.

I think we should all vote for me for president! How cool would that be?

i know what i would like to do with bush- MOW THE FREAKING LAWN!!

heheheee

Madam for President? GOD NO!!!!

Gidg runs screaming from the room [/i}

on second thought ...

Hey! I would make an awesome president! I would make spinning legal in all parks. Candy would be served at every meal. And dieting would be illegal. & just for good measure I'd throw a potato at Britney Spears & tell her to eat some carbs once in awhile!!!!

and just on those calorie rules:

if its broken; no calories/fat
if it doesnt fit in the jar; no calories/fat
if its for a birthday; none either
if it was made for someone else; you guessed it!
if it was a present of some description; yup! go for it!

i like this thread

so... what happens if you get sceard half to death twice?

and if barbie is so populer... how come you have to buy her friends?

two drums and a simble fall into a hole: badum tsh (sound that two drums and a simble make)

if you throw a cat out the window, does it become kitty litter?

what color does a smurf turn when you choke it?

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

If pro is good, and con is bad, what's the opposite of progress?

And to the drum one, that made me laugh a lot.

that was just what I needed right now. You missed a calorie one though, if you're walking walking while you eat you don't gain weight

isnt bush another name for a c**t, sorry for asterix swearing guys but wanted to get that out, phew

that all really cheered me up, just got in from work, i left my bar where i work and some guy tried to knife me! proepr panicking, lucky the boss called the police n i managed to keep him away with a pole that was near me, really got freaked out, and this thread has really cheered me up, i like the smurf one

I intend to live forever.....

So far so good.